Instinct
by Eve215
Summary: What would you do if you had no memory of your past, had no future, and only relied on your instincts for the here and now? What if your instincts said you were a murder? Would you follow your instincts or save the girl... from yourself.
1. Prologue

A/N: I want to start off by saying this is a dark story. It didn't start off that way, but as I wrote that's the turn it took. It's a thought I had a few weeks ago. What if Edward Cullen lost his entire memory, his past, and was faced with the temptation of Bella? He doesn't know her, doesn't know if he cares for her. Would he make the same choices, or would his instinct take over? What would happen if someone decided to pull some of his strings in the process?

This is the story that came from that. Some parts aren't the most pleasant, but I hope you like it overall.

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I don't own them

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Prologue:

I held her down, feeling her resist me. Her heartbeat filled my head, my ears. My stomach cried out for it. I wanted her. I wanted to feed off of her, and I wanted to fill her.

My head swam. I couldn't tell which way to go. She should be scared of me. At least, I thought she should. She laid beneath me on an old dilapidated desk in this hundred year old cabin, her eyes wide with something. But I wouldn't call it fear. It was worry. Possibly worry for me. The thing that wanted to kill her. That wanted to feel itself inside her.

_Take her. Take her._ The voice that wasn't mine rang out again, and I ripped off her shirt in one swift movement. A swatch of cream colored fabric fell to the floor.

"Don't do this." she whispered. "You'll never forgive yourself." There it was again, that worry... for me. I grasped her wrists tighter, holding myself steady. My body shook and my red eyes glowed.

All I could hear was the heartbeat and the voice. _Take what you what. You'll finally be free. _It coaxed.

I took a moment, just a moment to look at her one final time. "Don't do this." she pleaded again. "Edward please."

"I'm sorry, Bella." I whispered, wondering if that was really the truth. It didn't matter, I had to make the screaming of her heart get out of my head before I went crazy.

And then, thankfully, it did.


	2. Part 1: Out of the Woods

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. Stephenie Meyer does.

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Part 1: Out of the Woods

Do you ever wonder what would happen if you completely lost yourself? If you didn't remember your past, have no future, and only relied on the now. Instinct.

Would you be good? Moral? Would you be pure and chaste with angles singing choruses of Hallelujah?

Or would you be evil? Not caring who you hurt or what you did, just doing what you wanted when you wanted.. to whomever you wanted.

What if you followed your instincts? But your instincts told you that you were a murder.

My name is Edward Cullen.

Here is what I know.

--

Two weeks ago, I found myself wandering through woods. I was naked and freezing. Rain poured on me, and I had no idea who or where I was. One minute- nothing- black- like I didn't exist. Then bam! I'm there. Walking, covering myself as best I could.

I didn't know my name, and I didn't know where I was. But I knew I should be modest and cover myself. I had no idea why.

I made my way winding through the forest, no idea where I was going, letting instinct drive me.

As I walked, I wondered why my feet weren't hurting. Add to that, I wondered why I felt so abnormally cold. Then I wondered if it was abnormal to feel so cold. How would I know?

I walked until I came upon a clearing with a large white house full of windows. An enormous garage sat just behind it.

I felt some sort of recognition. Like I knew this house, this place, but I had no idea why.

As I crept closer, I began getting nervous. I hoped the occupants wouldn't shoot a cold, wet, naked stranger on site. But I decided I had to bite the bullet, as it were, and take my chances.

When I got to the corner of the house, I turned on the concrete sidewalk toward the garage. It was there that I heard the first voice.

_"I have no idea. I can't see him Jasper. I'm looking."_

It was the sweet, song-like voice of a female. I hastily hid behind one of the many plants in the tiny beds lining the walk, and looked all around me. I saw nothing, no one. As I looked for the phantom lady, I noticed a door leading to the house. I slowly went to it, still crouched down, and jiggled the handle. To my amazement, it opened. I looked around again behind me for the woman who had spoken out but saw no one. I chalked it up to whoever lived in this house spoke really loud.

My senses were in overload as I carefully crept in through a small sun room and up three stairs to a landing. I curved through the hall, always looking over my shoulder, and stopped at the first door I saw. It was unlocked too, and I sighed with relief when I walked in and saw that I was alone.

I let my modesty wane as I scanned the room, my hands settled on my hips. It was a bedroom. The walls were light blue, not bird egg blue which I thought of as a 'womanly' color, but a light 'manly' blue. I had no idea how I knew what 'bird egg blue' was, but I figured it was some glitch I still had in my system. There was a king sized, black bed with a comforter colored white and light blue. It was homey enough.

Thankfully, I saw a closet and rushed to it. Opening the door made me jump back. Hanging on the inside of the door was a full length mirror. I finally saw myself, or I thought it was me. I reached out to touch whoever 'me' was. The reflection did the same.

I had to admit, I looked rough. Not just regularly rough. Scary movie rough. My bronze colored hair dripped messily and was plastered to my head. I ran my hands through it, making it spike up a little. My eyes were one of the biggest things that got to me. They were big and black. Black as coal. Not human eyes in the least. I wondered what that meant for me. My skin was pale-- more than pale, white. White as a corpse.

A light bulb clicked on-literally. I found a switch and stood in awe at the sheer vastness of this room. All kinds of clothes lined both sides of the walls and across the back. There were pants; sporty and classic, shirts; for play and pleasure, and shoes. Lots and lots of shoes. It all spread before me like I was at an expensive store in Paris.

I walked down what I could only describe as a hall, looking, or rather, gawking.

I had no idea what my name was, but I could recall the designer of each outfit.

Amnesia was a bitch.

I grabbed a long sleeved, blue button-up and put it on. I found some underwear and dark wash jeans. They surprisingly fit just right. I was beginning to wonder if I had inadvertently walked into my own house and my own closet, but figured the odds of that were slim to none. I might not live within a hundred mile radius from here. I had no way of knowing.

Then I heard the voice again. _"I can see him. He's in here."_I looked around quickly. She sounded like she was right in the room with me. But again, nothing.

_"Why is he in my closet?"_I heard someone else say, a man this time. I thought I 'heard' him. His voice bounced through my head much like the girl's. I actually began questioning my sanity. I wondered if I was some sort of schizophrenic.

I heard footsteps and quickly grabbed the first weapon I could find-- the hanger my pants had previously been on. I held a firm hand on it just in case I had to poke someone's eyes out.

I smile at that now, as much as I smile anymore.

At the time, I wondered if I had a good sense of self- preservation, or if I had been violet in the life I couldn't remember.

The door opened suddenly and, to my surprise, a short, spiky, black-haired fairy fluttered to me. She called me Edward and flung herself into my arms. She wasn't scared of me, so that was a plus. She was cute, but I didn't find myself attracted to her. I assumed she might be some of my family.

At the door, the man stood with his arms crossed. He was just a tad taller than me with blond curly hair. I watched him as curiously as he watched me. _"What are you doing with my clothes on?"_ his brow furrowed.

I had to compose myself. I didn't want these people who obviously knew me to know that I could only think of them as strangers, but inside I was full of questions. I had _heard_ his voice, but his lips hadn't moved in the slightest.

I pondered that for a brief moment before it hit me. I could read minds! It was an exciting and scary realization. I was like this clean slate with this incredible superpower. I could hear their thoughts. Manipulate situations. I wondered if I had used it to my advantage in the past. Then I mentally kicked myself for being so stupid. Of course I had. I would have been an idiot not too.

I didn't feel like an idiot.

"What are you doing with my clothes on?" the man finally verbalized.

I heard the girl's thoughts and found that his name was Jasper. The way the girl looked at him made me think they were in love. "Me? Um... I like your clothes." I laughed.

He eyed me suspiciously. He thought I was acting strange, which I'm sure I was. Then he looked to Alice who simply shrugged. She looked over to me with concern, but I smiled. "I'm fine. Really."

"You don't feel fine." Jasper said, raising an eyebrow at me.

Feel, I thought. I stopped to assess the situation. I crooked my head to him. _You have a bitch for a girlfriend. _I though harshly, surveying him for any sign of emotion. Nothing, not even a flinch. I deduced that he wasn't a mind reader like me. It made me happy.

"How do I feel?" I crossed my arms, copying him.

He looked deep into my eyes, my scary black eyes, but he didn't seemed put off by them. "Confused." he said in a puzzled tone.

I laughed, hoping it would set him straight. "Maybe you're 'feelers' off. I feel fine. Just embarrassed I got caught."

"You do this often?"

"Every chance I get." I chuckled at him.

"Well stop." he ordered. I nodded, thankful that he seemed like he was going to let it slide.

"So how did it go?" he asked, changing the subject. It definitely threw me for a loop. I had no idea what he was talking about, and he knew it. "With Jane?" he clarified like I should have known. "Did you meet with her?"

I didn't know any Jane. Never heard of a Jane. I saw her face in Alice's head, apparently I could see thoughts too. She looked like a small child, but it didn't ring any bells. I could tell by Alice's thoughts that this Jane was no friend. I wondered why in the world I was meeting her, and how I was going to talk myself out of this one. Simple, I decided. The simpler the better. So I simply shrugged, "No, I didn't see her."

"Hmmm..." Jasper scratched his chin. I wished with all I had that he would stop gawking at me.

I finally decided to break this stalemate. I walked passed him and toward the bedroom door. "Where are you going?" Alice asked, following close behind me. An image came into her mind. A girl. A pretty brunette with the most warm eyes I'm sure I had ever seen. _Bella?_ I heard her think.

I jumped a little at the sensation of some sort of liquid running down my teeth. My stomach knotted. Something in me knew the girl, and something wanted her.

Jasper cut his eyes to me. "Maybe you should feed before you go." his voice sounded worried. I read his thoughts, and I knew what he meant. He thought I should feed on maybe a deer or a stray dog. At that moment, I didn't remember what I was, but I was getting a pretty good idea.

"I will." I smiled as I left. I began whistling some tune I couldn't recall.

As I walked out of the door, I could hear them talking. "What's got into him?" Jasper asked.

"I don't know." I heard Alice reply. "Something is wrong. I can't focus on his future. It's like he has a block. I can see somethings, like the closet, but it comes in waves. Nothing definite."

I was almost out of the door when I heard her calling to me again. "Edward! Make sure you feed!"

I smiled, amused. "Don't worry!" I called back. Yeah, I knew what she meant. But I had bigger game in mind.


	3. Part 2: Little Girl of Mine

A/N: Thank you for your replies and for reading this story. :) Please forgive me if my mileage isn't correct.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. Stephenie Meyer does.

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Part 2: Little Girl of Mine

I quickly found the garage, picked out a red Jeep Wrangler with the keys still in the ignition, and sped away. Before I knew it, I was at the end of the long drive with two choices of where to go. A few yards to my left, I saw a sign which read, "Forks; 4 miles." To my right, very far in the distance I saw another sign, "Port Angeles; 22 miles". I looked in both directions, not really sure which way to go. I decided to bite the bullet and take the road to Forks and if I didn't find her there, I'd go to Port Angeles.

The rain kept falling, and I wondered why anyone would live in a place so wet. But, as I thought about it some more, it make sense, if I was what I suspected I might be. I wasn't exactly sure, but the eyes, the skin, what Jasper said about hunting. I reasoned, as best I could, that I must be some sort of mythical creature. A vampire, maybe, or a werewolf.

The fact that I was out during the day put a hole in the 'vampire' theory. However, I didn't feel like a werewolf, or what I thought a werewolf would 'feel' like.

The more I thought about it, the more I leaned toward vampire. It made more sense. As much sense as any of this made. The only things I couldn't figure out were; out during the day and no fangs. It definitely threw me for a loop. If I was a true real-life vampire, I must be defective somehow.

Or superior.

In either case, it felt weird. I decided that no matter what I actually was, I'd call myself a vampire, in my head anyway. It gave me something.

Edward the vampire.

It didn't sound very menacing. I wondered how many people I'd killed. If I had been a bad ass.

And then I remembered, it didn't matter. I had a clean slate now. No memory of my past life. I could be whatever I wanted.

I made it into the sleepy little down just before night fall. What I saw at the first house put a big point in the vampire column. The first house on the right was a cozy two story with white siding. It was very pretty, but not as pretty as the woman in her mid-twenties who ran out of it. She didn't notice me. She was too busy running to her car to get out of the rain. I slowed down as I passed her.

_Easy pickings_, something inside me thought.

She had on black jogging pants with a pale-blue, fitted sweater skimming her ample curves. Her hair was placed under a matching ski cap. A few strands of blond snaked under it.

I watched as she jumped into her car, and my foot eased off of the excellator. I lost myself in a daydream. It would be easy, I reminded myself. I could stop, block her car. Get out. If she looked like she recognized me, I'd come up with some lame excuse for her to come to me. If she didn't, I'd ask for directions, play dumb. She'd get out to be helpful, and I'd take my fill.

I blinked a few time to clear my head and kept on my way. Truth was, the blond did nothing for me, not really. There was a pretty brunette who kept calling to me. I hadn't been able to get her out of my head since Alice had put her in there.

She looked so sweet. And nice. And the blond would never do. I wanted the brunette.

Bella.

I didn't now why the needs was so strong, or the desire so big, but I knew I had to find her. The strange angel haunting me.

I wondered what I would do when I found her. Would I toy with her? Or take her quickly like I would have the blond?

I figured those were my only two choices, if I was indeed a vampire.

Luck was on my side. I turned down the last street I came too and smiled as I saw the girl from my dreams exiting her antique Chevy, and running out of the rain onto a front porch. The Chevy was the only vehicle there, but I could tell by the way she parked that she was saving room for someone else. I whistled my unknown tune and pulled in behind her truck, so thankful that my quest was over.

I cut off the engine and stepped out. She smiled at me with recognition, but she seemed confused as well. I placed my hands in my pockets, as not to act too soon, and walked swiftly to her. A big, stupid, crooked smile crossed my lips when I saw her. It confused me more.

Her brow furrowed. "Why are you driving Emmett's Jeep?"

Panic threatened to fill me. I couldn't believe that even with Alice and Jasper, there was _another _one!

I contained myself, and simply shrugged. "He said I could use it." I waited , trying to remember to breathe, then side-tracked myself wondering if I _did_ breathe. I looked to her again, not wanting to frighten her off. She nodded back, still puzzled, but seeming to wave it off.

She unlocked the door and walked in. I followed without and invitation, another myth I could recall about vampires. Either I had already been invited before, or it was like the sun. Another myth shot to Hell. I wondered how stakes would affect me.

The house was empty, save us. She seemed comfortable with that. Being alone with me didn't seem to bother her. Either she didn't know what I was or she had a death wish.

She didn't seem like the kind to have a death wish.

She was much more beautiful than Alice had remembered. Her cheeks blushed as I looked her up and down. She wore gray jogging pants and a loose red shirt. When she took her hair down to shake the dampness from it, I nearly lost it. I wanted her right then. To take her...

... to kiss her.

I stepped back and leaned myself against a wall. Her back was now to me as she placed her ponytail holder in her bag. I was so confused.

I _must be defective_, I told myself. _A damn defective vampire who stole kisses instead of blood._ I rubbed my temples, helplessly lost in my thoughts.

I jumped when she touched my hand. I hadn't realized that she was so near to me again. "What's wrong, Edward?" she asked, concern written all over her face. Concern for the monster she had let in, who not minutes before craved _her_ blood more than anything.

Who still craved it.

I looked at her.

Nothing.

No thoughts came from her like they had Alice and Jasper. Even the blond had thought about Tim, the dark-haired man she was meeting up with. But this Bella-- this mystery-- she just looked at me. I could tell she was thinking. I mean, she wasn't dead so she had to be thinking something even if it was, _"What's this nut doing staring at me like that?"_

But I couldn't read her.

I thought maybe she was defective like me.

I gave a short sarcastic laugh, I'm sure adding to her 'nut' theory. "Edward, are you alright?" she asked, more forceful than the last.

"Never better." I said with a dark hint of humor as I walked passed her and toward the kitchen. I had to get away from her eyes. Her caring, piercing eyes that kept drawing me in.

"You don't seem like it." she answered from the living room.

"I'm just- I had a strange day." I stopped when I reached the sink, looking out the little window framed with quaint yellow curtains. She was a few paces behind me, but I could tell she had stopped at the kitchen table, probably leaning her hip on it. The hip I would love to caress, to kiss, feel, touch.

"Whoa." I gasped under my breath as that liquid coated my teeth again. I didn't think this was right. A predator wasn't supposed to have feelings- of any kind- for his prey. But this predator felt desire for this prey.

_Definitely defective_-- I thought again.

"Edward. You're scaring me." she had fear in her voice, but not terror, more like worry.

"Don't be." I whispered with a snarky smile. Why should she fear a vampire with an obvious biting dysfunction?

She walked only a few feet behind me. Her scent filled my nostrils. I felt as though I was drowning in it, not sure if I wanted to escape. "Why didn't you stay last night?"

My eyes bugged. _I stay the night! What type of vampire was I?_ I thought pained.

_Any damn kind I want to be._ I reminded myself, my words cold.

Clean slate.

_Take.the.girl. _It wasn't a voice I heard exactly. It was a feeling. A deep, dark primal instinct. Vampire. Prey. _Take.her._

Her heartbeat began getting louder in my ears, filling them completely. It sounded so sweet, so erotic. I wondered how much of an affect I had over her.

Without speaking, I turned to her. Desire filling my eyes. I wanted her, yes. But I wanted every part of her. Her body. Her blood. I wanted to toy with her.

And some part of me wanted to figure this strange creature out. More than anything, though. I wanted to see what I could make her heartbeat do.

I didn't give her time to think. I cupped her face and took her lips hard. I waited for some sort of response, but I didn't have to wait long. Her hands clasped behind my head, obviously enjoying my little experiment. To my surprise, I was enjoying it too...kissing her. I wondered what kind of monster was I too enjoy kissing the girl I was going to kill?

_The most evil kind_-- I told myself.

Without me realizing it, my body took me over. A different instinct filled me. I felt myself walk her back to the table. When the back of her thigh hit it, I brushed away all of the debris and laid her down. I covered her, kissing her deeply, letting my hands feel wherever they wanted to go. I ran my fingers over the warm skin of her exposed arms and felt goosebumps rise in their wake.

It was intoxicating.

She seemed as blissful as I was, shocked at first, then wrapped her legs around my hips. I was in awe that she seemed to want me... but it wasn't near as much as I wanted her.

I ripped away her shirt, exposing her simple white lace bra. Her body urged me on. I cupped one breast in my hand, relishing that it fit my palm so perfectly.

Feelings I didn't know I had rocked through me for this girl. I wanted her, right then and there. With everything I had, I wanted her.

I raised her arms over her head, gripped her wrists with one hand while I pushed the other down her pants. She moaned with pleasure, and again I almost lost it.

A glimpse of light saved her. Like a sparkle hitting my eye from the table. I looked again and saw a pearshaped diamond on the ring finger of her left hand.

She was engaged.

The realization took me away from myself long enough to again see where I was. I had her sprawled beneath me on the dinner table. And she was engaged. The way she had treated me, it could very well be with me.

I released her wrists and stared in horror. How could a girl love some _thing_ like me? Her blush filled face drained when she saw my expression. "Edward? What is it?"

The words flew out before I could stop them. The words I didn't really want to answer too, but that I already knew. "Are we together?"

I could tell by her expression; sick, panicked, but most of all deeply concerned expression; that I was right.

Then the monster came back. The instinct. _There she is. All spread out like a feast on a Thanksgiving table. Feed. _

I felt sick. I didn't know why. It was what I wanted. It's why I came. To take her. To feed off of her. But I couldn't. I cowardly jumped off of her, my back hit against the sink impossibly fast.

"Edward" she pleaded.

_Beg, baby, beg. Beg me to kill you. _I shoved my hands to my head, willing the voice to just go away. I looked at her, on the table, wanting me. Her heartbeat was so fast it fluttered wildly in my ears. God, I wanted her-- to taste her.

I did the only thing I could do.

I ran.

I had her, and I ran. I left her half naked on her kitchen table as I cowardly ran for the Jeep.

As I made it to the safety of the vehicle, I could have sworn I hear her weeping.

My heart broke for her which made my escape even more of a priority. My tires squealed as I reversed, then sped down the road.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a small child staring at me from the neighbor's lawn. She stood favoring one leg, her arms crossed.

Her eyes were crimison, and she did not look happy.

I recognized her from Alice's thoughts, and stepped on the gas pedal harder.

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	4. Part 3: Soulless

A/N: This is a relatively short chapter. Thank you for your reviews and for reading it. I know it's a 'different' kind of story. And, by the way, I have NOTHING against the city of Vancouver. I think it's a very nice place.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. They belong to Stephenie Meyer.

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Part 3: Soulless

I drove, and I drove. I didn't care where I was going, where I ended up, as long as it was away from her. Her mocking scent still lingered around me, and I couldn't get her eyes, her sweet caring eyes, out of my head. Day turned into night. But the heat lingered.

I let my foot off of the accelerator only once when I had to stop in Seattle to refuel. I had no wallet, but I found a debit card in Emmett's glove compartment and used it. I knew it was risky. Jasper, Alice, whoever the hell Emmett was, _anyone, _could trace it. But I didn't plan on spending enough time there for it to matter.

No matter my hasty intentions, Seattle was where I ate my first meal.

As I got back in the Jeep, I suddenly heard the thoughts of a man who was the next street over. His mind was filled with all sorts of nasty things he was going to do with a woman he was stalking behind. The man was enjoying watching her sexy ass shake, her long red hair bouncing with every step she took. He enjoyed the fact that she knew he was coming and was trying to escape. More than anything, the man enjoyed the fact that he would eventually catch her, and he would have her, when he was done playing with her.

I was thirsty, and I was tired. With instinct guiding me, I left the Jeep and began quietly stalking the stalker.

I rounded a few corners watching his every move. He never even knew I was back there. His thoughts were so focused on the girl, a girl he had never met. He had only picked her because he fancied red-heads. He turned a corner, and before I could do the same, I heard the screaming. I ran in a blur and threw the sandy haired man off of the girl. She was on the ground. Shaking. Panicked. Her emerald-green dress was ripped up her thigh and her black stockings had runs in them I assumed from being pulled on the concrete. When her eyes met mine, she seemed as frightened of me as she was of him.

I had a choice, right then and there. It felt like a monumental moment for me. Which one to chose? The man or the red-head? The would-be rapist or the victim? Or both?

"Run--NOW!" I yelled at her before I changed my mind. She obeyed without hesitation.

The man, whose thoughts told me was named Clay, eased himself up the brick wall I had introduced him too, and glowered at me. Before he even knew what was happening, I grabbed him, threw him back against the wall, and fed. He begged at first. I felt his heartbeat quicken, then slow. Slow down then non-existent. I released him, and his body collapsed to the dirt covered sidewalk. His warm blood filled my head, my limbs, my entire body. It felt so warm. So... natural. Strangely, I didn't feel bad for killing a rapist. I looked out at the road in front of me and wondered what had became of that girl, and wondered if I was this evil thing, why did I let her go?

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In the early morning hours, I stretched out on my bed and flipped through the channels. After I had dealt with certain _unpleasantries_, I used the wallet I found on the man, Clay, and the money he had to put myself up in a rather nice hotel room for the day. The room was nice and spacious. For a pervert, the man had a lot of cash on him, and I indulged. The bed had only a solid black headboard. It was covered with a very nice, masculine looking, orange and brown stripped comforter with little threads of gold woven through. The TV, at least a '32 inch flat screen, was mounted on the wall. There was a dresser and closet for my clothes, not that I had any. And, to my surprise, a small kitchen.

Even though I was out in the day in Forks, I was still weary of the sunlight. I wasn't sure why the sunlight didn't make me toast, but the weather said it would be a rare sunny day in Seattle, and I didn't want to chance being a marshmallows thrown on open flames.

I stopped clicking on a random infomercial, but I wasn't watching. I was thinking about the sandy-haired man. He had begged, just like he had told the girl to. It made me feel, in some ways, superior. I had killed the rapist and saved the girl. Then I spent the next hour wondering why I hadn't took the girl too.

Vampire equals evil. Something evil wouldn't keep letting feasts go free.

Frustrated with my inability to decipher the mystery, I began trying to find something else on TV besides the Popeil  
Rotary Oven. It was nearing 6 o'clock, and the sun was rising. I finally found a program that caught my interest. It was about this girl, Buffy, and she was a vampire slayer. I wondered if there were such things.

On this particular episode, from what I could gather, Buffy had had sex with this vampire with a soul, Angel. The act had ended rather badly for both of them. She ended up broken hearted, and he ended up without a soul. He tried different ways to kill the girl and destroy the world. But in the end, some witch gave him his soul back, but it was too late. He couldn't remember what he had done at first. Couldn't remember being this evil monster. But it was too late. She kissed him. Then she told him she loved him. Then she killed him. Sent him to Hell.

After the credits rolled, I clicked it off and tossed the remote to the side of the bed. I put my hands under my head and concentrated very hard on the ceiling tiles.

It was stupid to get worked up over a television show, but I didn't have anything else to base my existence on. I got to wondering if I had once had some kind of soul, like the vampire Angel did. And maybe I lost it somehow, got it back, and ended up confused in the woods. But that would imply that I had a soul right now. I didn't know if I did or not really. It would explain not killing the girls and being 'defective'. But I had taken great pleasure in killing that man. I didn't think that a thing with a soul could kill someone, no matter how evil the person was, and feel glad about it.

Theory number two was that I had a soul, lost it, and hadn't gotten it back. That would explain the man, but not the girls. On the show, the vampire lost his soul and went after everyone. If I was basing my life on a 90s TV show, then that theory didn't really pan out either.

Theory number three was that I was some kind of superior vampire who got off killing bad guys and saving the girls. Maybe 'I' was a bad guy at one time, and I was trying to atone. It would work. Boring, but it would work.

Theory four, I was defective.

I grew tired of all of the theories, the _why_'s, and the wallowing. I reminded myself that I was now a clean slate. I could do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. If I wanted the girl, I'd take the girl, if only to prove that there was nothing wrong with me.

I rolled off of the bed and looked at the clock. I had wasted over an hour on _theories_ that didn't matter. This was me now, and I could make my own choices, my own destiny. As I stretched and made my way to the bathroom, I wondered how much I really believed that.

I lazily flipped on the bathroom light and jumped back suddenly at my reflection. My eyes were evil staring back at me. Evil and fiery red. My previous black eyes had, at least, looked partly human. These looked like a demon's eyes. Even with a knot forming in the pit of my stomach, I couldn't look away. I asked myself how I could dazzle people so easily; the desk clerk, the maid I'd met in the hall; when I looked so inhuman.

Finally, I shook it off, chalked it up to another mystery I couldn't solve, and went on about my business of planning my night to come.

At sunset, I turned in my room key and left. I got in the Jeep, thankful that none of those people who seemed to know me in Forks had found me, and sped away. At the Canadian boarder, I found out how much charm and persuasion I truly had over people, and I made it to Vancouver before sunrise.

I spent a week there, going out at night. Surprisingly, there were an alarming number of rapists I could find, or possibly would-be rapists. The ability to read thoughts came in very handy. If I passed a man who had the slightest thought of violating a woman, he became a meal. I figured the women in Vancouver should thank me.

I drew the line at murderers, however. I couldn't bring myself to feast on one. It seemed hypocritical. Every time I passed one, I wondered what had happened to cause me to be such a pansy that I couldn't drink from one.

Every night and every day, I looked over my shoulder, waiting to see a familar face. Maybe the blond, Jasper, would come lurching out of the bushes to take me 'home'. Or the pixie in some alley somewhere.

Or even Bella.

Most of all Bella. I tried. I tried with everything I had, but I could not get her face out of my head. As each day passed, she filled my thoughts more and more until there wasn't a moment I wasn't thinking of her, cursing her, wanting her. I would lay in my hotel room day after day, her face haunting me. Her lips. Her eyes. I wanted her. To feel her lips again. I wanted to feel her warmth sliding down my parched throat. Every person I killed didn't quench the thirst I had for that poor girl.

I loathed that girl with the haunting eyes. I hated her for making me feel. I didn't remember if I had loved her in the past, butI felt myself slipping deeper into madness trying to figure out what I felt for her now.

I couldn't concentrate. See straight. Killing began giving me no pleasure, didn't satisfy me like it once had. I had to do something before she destroyed my life.

That night, I loaded up the Jeep and left Vancouver. I didn't take the time to feed. I needed to get that girl out of my head once and for all.


	5. Part 4: Trust

A/N: Thank you for the replies to this story :) I know it's 'different' but thanks for giving it a chance. Sorry it hasn't been updated in a few days.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. Stephenie Meyer does.

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Part 4: Trust

The rain began falling about an hour after I crossed back into Washington state, signaling my intended destination wasn't far from me. It was dawn when I rolled across the Forks city limits. I was thankful, since the girl hadn't left my thoughts the entire way back. Her smile; radiant. Her scent; divine. I tried to will myself to think of other things; baseball, wrestling, anything, but ultimately, Bella always won out. Nothing could keep her out of my head. I felt like I was going crazy, which is a feat for a man who already had something wrong with his brain.

I wasn't exactly sure what I was going to do to my tormentor once I got to her... No, that was a lie. I knew exactly what I was going to do, but convincing myself I had a choice made me fell less of a monster. Along with the never ending flashes of Bella, I did see one different image flicker in my mind. It was a cabin, old and run down, in the woods. As with a lot of things, I didn't know how, but I was sure I could find it. It looked familiar somehow.

I parked the Jeep a few blocks from her house, got out, and walked the rest of the way in the rain with the hood of my black sweater pulled over my head. I took my time. Not using the vampire speed I found I had. I had things, logistical things, I need to work out.

I paused behind the hedge that ran down her drive when I heard the thoughts of a man exiting her house. I peeked around, knowing he wouldn't see me. He carried with him a fishing pole and gear, whistling some tune. Not the same unknown one I kept whistling, but a different one. I didn't recognize it, but that didn't shock me. The man, middle aged with thinning hair he was unsuccessfully trying to hide under a baseball cap, placed his gear into a police cruiser and left. In his thoughts, he cursed that 'Cullen boy for hurting his little girl'. I had to smile at that. If he only knew, were my own unspoken reply.

The only vehicle left now was an outdated, red Chevy. It was the same truck I saw her getting out of the last time I was there. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that she was home alone, but I decided to be careful and listen anyway, just to be on the safe side.

I pulled my hood higher over my forehead, placed my hands in the kangaroo pouch, and silently made my way around the corner of the house. If my heart beat, it would have wildly. Part of me was excited that I was finally going to be free of this girl's uncontrollable hold on me. Part of me was so thirsty that it thrilled me to get my fill with her. But then part of me, the baffling part, couldn't wait to actually _see_ her again. To possibly touch her, hold her, feel her warmth. I shook my head to clear those unwanted images. And told myself that this was for the best. It was only a small part after all.

She was a human. I was a vampire. Simple. Black and white. No mucky gray shades in the middle. I was evil, even though I didn't feel completely so, and she was in my way. I had nothing else, no memories to fall upon. Only my instincts which told me I craved the girl more than anything else in this world.

I stopped walking when I noticed an open second story window which caught my attention because it was without reason open with rain drizzling in, like it was waiting for someone. I had a feeling of deja vu. Like I knew that window from some far off time, maybe a time when I could dream. It was frustrating to _know,_ to _feel,_ that you recognize something, but really not.

I almost started walking again but stopped myself when I heard water splashing like a waterfall inside the house. _She must be showering_, I smiled, more aroused by that thought than I probably should have been.

I looked around to make sure no one was looking and climbed up through the window. I immediately recognized my destination as a bedroom. From the scent, I knew it was hers.

In the early morning light, I saw a small twin bed, the covering colored with different shades of pink. The walls were a faded hunter green. Not what I pictured for her room to look like.

Next to the window I climbed in through, sat a small desk with an old-looking computer on it. I took my time, knowing that the shower was still running and she would not return just yet, to study the contents of the desk. Some books, old and new. Mostly old. A few empty cans of drink. A cute blue cellphone, and finally a frame that shocked me. I held it up, analyzing it. If I was being truthful, it was more like gawking. It was a picture of her, smiling, seemingly so happy. And holding her was me. I looked... happy. A gigantic grin was plastered on my stony-white face. We looked so carefree... we looked so...

I flinched and threw the frame down. What kind of thing was I that had loved a girl whose blood smelled so sweet that everything I had in me wanted to taste her? I had to steady myself because, to me, it seemed like the room was spinning from this unfathomable realization. Then it dawned on me, an answer I could live with. Maybe I had just recently became a vampire. That would explain numerous things, all except Jasper and Alice's reaction to, what I thought was, my horrifying countanance. My black eyes. How would I know? And what about what Jasper thought about hunting? I had forgotten about that. It was partly how I deduced I was a vampire in the first place.

Too many questions with no answers swam in my mind. I wanted to pick the photograph back up and study it some more, maybe get an answer to at least one of my questions. I had to stop short when the door opened and she walked in. Her hair fell in damp masses extending down to the middle of her back, and she wore some red flannel pajama bottoms and a fitted black tank. I stared at her, and she froze.

I had previously thought that it was probably just a fluke the reason she had smelled so good to me during our first encounter. That maybe all humans smelled that sweet, like freesia and lavender. In the past week, I had learned the error in that thinking. No one I had taken remotely compared to the savory smell radiating from such an ordinary creature. No one. My body ached and I wanted to take her right there, but she surprized me. I could see the worry, tension, whatever it was, quickly drip from her face, replaced with excitement and relief. She ran to me and jumped into my arms. She grasped her arms around my neck forcefully and kissed me. Reflexively, my arms embraced her, and I found myself, despite myself, kissing her back.

She released my lips. "Edward Cullen! You scared the crap out of me!! I thought you had left me again." Her voice was hurt, a stark contrast to her body. She eyed me hard then slapped me on the arm before yelping in pain. I'm sure it must have felt like striking a stone. "You scared me." she accused again furious, but again she held me. She was the most perplexing person I knew I had ever met, amnesia or no amnesia.

Her being so close. Her body, warmed both from the shower and the elation in seeing me, drove me toward insanity. She had no idea what she was doing to me. She was killing me, and I assumed that wasn't an easy feat.

Quickly, much more quick than a human, I freed her grip and escaped to the other side of the room. The room was so small, it didn't give me much relief.

My back was to her, but I could tell I had just hurt her, for the second time. I knew then that no matter what the evidence might suggest, I had to have been a human when she had known me, loved me, because it wasn't rational for her to love a 'thing' like I was now. A thing that longed not just her body, but her blood, and who would take both just to get her out of my head.

Again, I felt her warm fingers touch my skin causing tiny electric currents to flow through my hands. I closed my eyes at the sensation. I couldn't move.

"Edward." she whispered, fear in her voice, but I wasn't sure it was the right kind of fear. "Where have you been?"

I couldn't speak, not with her hand on mine. Not with her so close. So close I could literally reach out, bite her and end it within a matter of seconds. I had to use everything I had in me not to. I knew, deep down, that leaving evidence in a cop's house would be a very stupid idea, even if I could just come and kill him later.

"Edward, please." her voice jolted me out of my plan making. "Look at me." she pleaded.

I found the muscles to shake my head and finally found my words. "I don't want you to see me this way." and in reality, that was the honest to God truth. Even if my eyes were black in that picture, it didn't matter. They sure weren't now, and hadn't been since my first kill almost a week ago.

"What way? Edward, please." she tried to turn me, but I refused. "Bella, it's ok. Everything's ok." the lie sounded real to me, but she didn't buy it.

"It's not ok." I heard her take a few steps back.

I tried to focus something else, anything else. Nothing worked.

When I didn't respond to her, she began again. "Edward, Alice, Jasper, everyone has been scared to death about you. You stole Emmett's Jeep, Jasper's clothes--"

"Borrowed." I clarified, a hint of a smile crossed my lips.

"Whatever." she said annoyed with my evasiveness. "Alice gets spotty visions about you, nothing concrete. What happened to you, Edward?"

"I don't know." I admitted truthfully. I found a bit of humor in it.

"You don't know?" she repeated each word slowly.

"I don't remember." I sighed, finally turning to face her. First she looked puzzled and confused, then, for the first time, she saw my dark now crimsin eyes. Her own widened and she took a step back.

The fact that she seemed to fear me, thrilled me in a way I didn't expect. A newly formed confidence coursed through me as I realized that it was me, not her and her intoxicating power, in control. With each step I stalked toward her, she took one back until she finally ran out of room and hit her desk. I, however, didn't stop until I was inches from her. The monster in me wanted out.

"I think... I think we need to call Alice or Carlisle and let them come over here?" she stuttered.

I bit my bottom lip wickedly. "Why would we want to do that? Ruin a perfectly good day with bystanders." I tsked at her and ran my hand smoothly down the length of her neck. I could feel her heartbeat under quicken my fingers. I grinned, enjoying every movement, every flicker she had under me. I was enjoying it too much. I found myself doubting myself and wondering if I would actually miss her when she was tormenting me anymore.

That was the first time I heard the voice.

I couldn't be sure, but I was almost positive that there was no one else in the house. The voice was that of a child. A girl, probably not yet a teen. _"Take her."_she whispered in a strangely innocent tone. I wasn't sure if she was a voice I normally heard, or the monster talking to me. "_She will haunt you forever if you don't, and you know it. Get it over with, and you will be free."_ Then the image of that cabin flashed through my head again.

Between her delicious scent, my own lust, and the damning voice, all sense of reason was beginning to be lost on me. I caked on the charm, so think it was menacing. "I wonder," I asked as I stroked my fingers lightly through her hair. "Would you follow me anywhere?"

She wet her lips, I'm sure it was a nervous twitch. "I still think we need to call Carlisle. Maybe he can help you."

"Help me?" I laughed. Silly girl. It wasn't me that needed help.

She shook again.

"Am I frightening you?" I asked in my most innocent tone, running my fingertips over her lusciously warm lips.

"I'm frightened _for _you." she clarified. "Something's wrong."

I gave another half-laugh. "Yes, I should say so. But you never answered my question. Would you go with me anywhere?"

I looked deeply into her eyes. She did the same back, steadying herself. "Yes." she nodded, I'm sure it took all of her willpower to do it. "Yes, I'd follow you."

No self-preservation, I mused and shook my head. "I was afraid of that." I sighed, turning her quickly so her back was to me. I put my hand over her mouth and nose so she couldn't get any oxygen. She kicked for a few seconds, but ultimately passed out in my arms. It didn't matter that she would only be out for a few minutes. It wouldn't take me long to run to our destination at full speed. I couldn't have her looking at me with those big, brown, trusting eyes. I didn't trust myself that I wouldn't back out if she did.

I scooped her up, the tiny insignificant creature who had complicated my entire existence, and headed for the cabin.


	6. Part 5: Becoming

A/N: A lot of replies have been asking if Edward gets his memory back and if so, when? Well, me being the meanie I am, will not tell you LOL I will say that if you have ever asked that question, you probably should read this chapter. Just saying ;)

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I wish I did.

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Part 5: Becoming

I leaned on the dilapidated frame of the old cabin door, watching her. The cabin, buried deep in the woods, allowed little to no light to enter the dirt caked windows which provided an appropriately sinister atmosphere. The only dim light which dared crisscrossed the room illuminated a small patch of shredded carpet, blackened by age and circumstances. It laid in a heap in the middle of the room, the only room the cabin held within it's four walls. Upon the rug, laying in a heap herself, laid my brunette tormentor, fast asleep by my own hand. Funny how she looked so lovely, so helpless, so non-threatening in her dream state. Not that any of that would save her now.

By the time I had reached the cabin with her, I had almost completely been taken over by the monster. Between her luscious scent, her ear shattering heartbeat, and the voice that wasn't mine, I was going mind numbingly insane.

We had been there for a little over five minutes. Part of me knew it would be more humane to take her while she slept, but the bigger part, the louder part, wanted her awake so I could feel her movements, hear her oh so sensually elevated heart rate. In Vancouver, not knowing my own strength, I had knocked out a man before I fed. It wasn't nearly as satisfying.

I knew that simply taking her wouldn't make her leave me alone. She would haunt me, like an unfinished task or a unsatisfied ghost. For this entire thing to work, for it to be done with, it had to give me satifisfiction, fullfillment. I had to let out all of my instincts on this poor girl or it wouldn't matter.

I became aroused when she started to stir, but I didn't leave my post. As she moved ever so slightly, the air became more and more saturated with her fragrance. I breathed it in. Enjoyed it.

She groaned a few times, rubbing her still closed eyes, her stiff neck. She rolled slowly once, but came back to her original position as her eyes fluttered open. I watched as she carefully scanned the room and tried to get up. "Edward?" she called. It sent a chill up my spine. Her voice rocked me to my core, and for the briefest of seconds, I wondered if it had been a mistake to not do what had to be done while she slept. That thought didn't last long.

"Edward?" she called again, now fear in her voice. I didn't think that the fear was about me, but from the fear of being alone in a strange place. I felt anger rise in me that this _girl_ was more afraid of her surroundings than of me, a vampire, the thing that was, in a matter of moments, taking everything that I wanted from her. But still, she seemed worried about _me_. I laughed to myself, an angry dark laugh. How dare this girl feel for _me_! I was doing her a service showing her what kind of 'man' she _loved._

"I'm here, my love." I spoke from my shadowy curtain, my words sugary sweet.

She squinted her eyes to the location of my voice. "What's going on?" she asked.

I grinned. "Don'cha like it?" I gestured my arms around the cabin, sure she could see the movement no matter how murky the light.

"I would have liked it better if you hadn't of knocked me out to get me here." she said, fire in her voice.

I smiled. She finally had some vigor in her, some fierceness. I liked it. "Got some fire in you, don't you love?"

She carefully picked herself up and walked toward me. "Edward, whatever happened to you, we can fix it."

"Oh, I doubt that." I scoffed. "Do you know what I am?"

She stopped and placed her hands on her embraceable hips. I wanted mine there too. "A vampire who is seriously starting to piss me off." she snapped.

I nodded slowly. So this creature knew what I was, but-- No, I couldn't think the words. Maybe she wasn't human, even though she sure smelt like one. I didn't dwell on that. Her 'humanity' wasn't the issue.

"Do you love me?" I asked curiously. It was an honest question.

"Of course I do." she looked as shocked at my question as I was to her answer.

I tilted my head slightly and bit my lip. "Why?" I asked barely above a whisper.

Before she could answer, the voice that wasn't mine began admonishing me for 'toying' with my prey. I knew that it was right, but I couldn't help myself. I had to know these things, even if I didn't know why they were important to me.

"Why?" she replied. "Because when you are 'normal' you are the most honest, loving man I know."

"I'm not a man." I corrected, my voice growing darker as the voice that wasn't mine kept speaking to me.

"You know what I mean." she sighed, her own voice turning grave. "Let me see you."

Not wanting to drag this out any longer, I obliged. The voice I kept hearing was right, it was evil of me to keep toying with her when I knew how things would turn out. Strangely, though, it didn't _feel_ like toying.

She didn't back away this time when she saw my dark, hungry eyes. I imagined she was willing herself to stay calm. Her facade was misguided as I could hear her heartbeat quicken when I was almost to her. I reached out slowly and rubbed her warm cheek. I'm sure it was a reflex because she shut her eyes.

"I want you." I whispered.

"There are better ways to get me." she said, almost seductively. This little girl wanted me, even after what I did. The ire I had previously suppressed for her re-emerged again. How dare she make me _feel_ anything for her? The voice became stronger, more demanding. It kept saying that if I didn't do something quick, she would have me in the palm of her hand, and I would be haunted by her forever. Unable to eat or think of anything that wasn't her.

I made up my mind and started my deadly endeavor.

"Why would you want a creature like me who has done the things I've done to you?" I continued, forcing my voice to hold.

"Because I don't think you know what you are" She looked deeply into my eyes, causing a stir in my heart, or at least where a heart would have been if I had one. That was enough. I violently smashed my other hand to her face and forced her to me. "Maybe this is who I've always been." With that, I let whatever human side I had slip away and the lust filled monster emerged.

She must have seen the change because she kicked me hard in the groin and ran. I flew in front of her, making her stop suddenly. I threw her back hard on the ground causing her to scrape her palms on splinters in the old floor. I rejoiced in the intoxicating smell. I knew it wouldn't be long now.

In one fluid motin, I reached out and forcefully clamped her arm. I dragged her up to me, grabbed her wrist, and turned it to expose her blood covered palm. Venum seeped from my eager teeth as I brought her palm to my lips, bit, and savored the most succulent, sweet taste I'd ever tasted. She tried to push me off, but it was a laughable attempt.

I could have had her there. Drink my fill and be done with her, but her blood wasn't the only thing I wanted. I pulled her body closer to mine and ran my tongue up the contour of her neck. "You did say you wanted me, right?" I reminded her while gripping her tighter and biting her ear so hard it drew blood. She gave a short scream of pain, and I smiled, throwing her over and old wooden desk by one of the windows. I turned her and had her pined under me before she could breathe. She fought back, blissfully for me she struggled. It didn't take much effort to entangle her wrists and secure them high above her head.

I couldn't take any more.

I held her down, feeling her resist me. Her heartbeat filled my head, my ears. My stomach cried out for it. I wanted her. I wanted to feed off of her, and I wanted to fill her.

My head swam. I couldn't tell which way to go. She should be scared of me. At least, I thought she should. She laid beneath me on an old dilapidated desk in this hundred year old cabin, her eyes wide with something. But I wouldn't call it fear. It was worry. Possibly worry for me. The thing that wanted to kill her. That wanted to feel itself inside her.

_Take her. Take her._ The voice that wasn't mine rang out again, and I ripped off her shirt in one swift movement. A swatch of cream colored fabric fell to the floor.

"Don't do this." she whispered. "You'll never forgive yourself." There it was again, that worry... for me. I grasped her wrists tighter, holding myself steady. My body shook and my red eyes glowed.

All I could hear was the heartbeat and the voice. _Take what you what. You'll finally be free. _It coaxed.

I took a moment, just a moment to look at her one final time. "Don't do this." she pleaded again. "Edward please."

"I'm sorry, Bella." I whispered, wondering if that was really the truth. It didn't matter, I had to make the screaming of her heart get out of my head before I went crazy.

And then, thankfully, it did.

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It all happened so fast, yet in slow motion at the same time. I was unfastening my pants, going to make this quick, but still, I had to. I had to feel her surrounding me. I had no idea why it was so important to me. On top of that, the blood now seeping from her ear wouldn't leave me alone. So I decided to take both at the same time. I leaned down to taste her blood again while stripping her pants.

It was then that something snapped.

Her blood wasn't pure anymore. I could taste my venom in it. It had contaminated it, and didn't have the same sweetness, the same purity.

I stopped. Stopped everything. Her screaming stopped too. My mind began to clear. I looked at her horrified that I could have done _this_ to this girl that so obviously cared for me.

And then, not a second after I had stopped myself, I saw a bright white glow start circling my eyes. It engulfed me, and I trembled. It lasted mere seconds, but, when it was over, and I could see clearly again, I knew my name was Edward Cullen. I knew I was born in 1901. I knew I lived in Forks, Washington. But I had no idea where I was.

I looked around the room, this tiny hell-hole of a shack, unknowing how I got there or why. Then I looked down and saw her.

I had one hand holding her down at the wrists. The other undoing my pants. "Oh God." I muttered, horrified as I jumped off her and backed across the room.

Then everything came flooding back. Everything Jane and Alec had done to me. All I had done in Seattle. Vancouver.

Bella.

Her taste lingered in my mouth. Her blood stains spotted my shirt. I wanted to leave and not have to face her and what I had done, but I couldn't.

I ran back to her, knowing that she was hurt and I had to help. I couldn't be a coward about it. Everything else faded away, and she became my number one priority.

She was still on the desk, laying on her back. All of this had only lasted a few seconds, and she still hadn't caught her breath. "Bella." I said, as apologetically as I could while I leaned down to her and stroked her sweat covered hair. I knew there was nothing I could say, though, that would or should bring forgiveness.

"Edward." she replied drowsly. Then surprised me with a smile, satisfied that it was really me. Then her face contorted, like she was trying to hide something from me.

"What? What is it?" I prodded, my hand unknowingly rubbing the strands of her hair faster.

I saw some sort of internal struggle in her. "It hurts." she finally said.

"Hurts?"

"Burns." she clarified, holding her hand up to me. Horrified, I remembered. I had mixed my venom with her blood, giving her what she had always wanted. But not like this. I couldn't live with it like this, and she knew it. That's why she told me. What she didn't know what that _I _couldn't live with any of the pain I had caused her. But that was a mute point at the moment.

Without another word spoken, I gently picked her up and ran, finally finding my way to my house. I said thanks under my breath when it was Carlisle who answered my frantic knocking on the door. "Save her." I whispered, my voice shaking from the shock I was going into. I handed her limp body to him.

Then for the second time in a week, I ran.


	7. Part 6: What I Can Live With

A/N: Wow, thank you all so much for your reviews :) They really mean allot. I know my spelling leaves allot to be desired LOL. I'm working on it. It's funny how you get lost in your story and you 'see' what you mean to say even though it's not what you typed. I'm sorry for any mistakes you may find. BTW, this is a long chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. Stephenie Meyer does.

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Part 6: What I Can Live With

I made it back to Emmett's Jeep and sped out of Forks. I didn't know where to go, what to do really. I just knew to run. I didn't know if Alice could see me now, but I didn't want to take any chances. I drove to the only place that I knew she couldn't. Where I would get just want I wanted... what I deserved.

I drove to La Push.

I made it to the beach, running out of road to drive on. I parked, got out, and walked the rest of the way to the water. I didn't think to pull up my hood, just let the rain drown me. If it could have swallowed me up whole, I would have allowed it.

I paced along the thin line of sand, waiting. Waiting for the wolves to find me. Praying they would kill me. I convinced myself that after all I had done, she (I couldn't dare think of her name now) wouldn't miss me when I was gone. She might eventually forgive me, but I didn't want her to.

Finally, after I wandered the beach for nearing fifteen minutes, I got my wish. I turned to go back to my original starting point only to see Sam Uley waiting for me. I sighed. There before me stood the answer to my surely unheard prayer.

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To my great displeasure and surprise, Sam didn't kill me, or even attempt to kill me. And no other wolves ventured my way. Instead, Sam came to me, sat me down on a hollow log just off the shore, and listened as I told him what I had done. He hadn't interrupted, not once. Just listened.

After I had finished recalling the events of the past week, the amnesia, the murders, the... what I had done to _her_, he ran his fingers along his stubbly chin. "So, let me guess. You came to La Push hoping we would destroy you. Am I right?"

I downshifted my eyes. It was all the answer he needed.

He was silent again, then surprised me for the second time. "I'm sorry. I can't help you with that. You feel bad for what you did. I get that. I haven't ever killed anybody, but I wouldn't shoot a lion for doing what's in it's instinct to do either. You didn't know who you were and as long as you _do_ and don't kill anyone _here_ then I don't see any reason for our treaty to be broken."

I wanted to interrupt and tell him that no matter what I _was, _I had murdered people, surely they weren't innocent, but I couldn't be forgiven for that. I didn't want to be, but he went on before I could find my words. "As for the other, with Bella." I flinched at the sound of her name. "I've been there myself. Not to the same extent, mind you. But I hurt a girl once, actually two girls. One I loved more than anything at the time, and the other a girl I still love to this day. I left physical scars that I have to see daily and be reminded of the monster that lives inside of me if I am careless and let him get free." I cringed back at his thoughts. Being in love with the beautiful Leah. Imprinting on her cousin Emily, hurting Leah so deeply. Then attacking Emily and scarring her. Two things he could never fully forgive himself for.

Sam stood and faced the ocean, his thoughts encompassing him. "I assume you felt the need to tell me every detail so I wouldn't feel remorse for ending you."

"I deserve it." I said calmer than I ever thought I could as I drew circles in the sand with a twig, lost in my own thoughts which were intertwining at the time with Sam's.

"Yes, I suppose you do." he agreed thoughtfully. He looked to me. "But that's the easy way out."

I stopped drawing and looked at my unexpected confidant. "Easy way? You think this is easy?"

Sam shrugged. "I know when things get tough, you go off and try to get yourself killed." His thoughts trailed off into a shrewed interpretation of what he assumed had happened in Italy. I looked at him confused. He smirked. "Word gets around."

He walked back to me, but didn't sit back down. "Bella would never forgive us, any of us, if we destroyed you, and she wouldn't forgive you."

"She won't forgive me anyway." I said, softly. I'm sure he heard the pain in my voice.

Something caught Sam's attention and he looked up the rocks behind us. "Oh, I don't know." he mused. "She might surprise you." I followed his gaze and up on the pile of rocks, I saw Bella.

At first, I smiled, relieved that she was alive. That I hadn't killed her. I was elated to see her, until I remembered. I turned away quickly, trying not to glance back to her.

She wasn't alone on the hill as I had observed before. Carlisle and Alice stood on either side of her. Sam slapped me on the back, an unusual show of support. "I have some business to get to. Good luck."

"Wait." I called out as he walked toward the group. "Are you going to tell the rest? Are you going to tell them what I did?"

"I don't want a war, and you weren't yourself. I'll let this go." his camaraderie faded away and he held up one finger to me. "Just this once."

I scowled. "How can you keep it from the rest while in wolf form?"

Sam grinned amused at some inside joke and walked away toward the waiting trio. He told them that he could be lenient, but three bloodsuckers across boundary lines was pushing it. Carlisle and Alice both gave me differing looks as they were about to leave. Carlisle, calm and compassionate. He sent me a message though his thoughts, _Jasper, Alice, and Emmett got to them in time to force Alec to break his hold on you. But they were too quick, unfortunately, and fled before they could finish them. I'm sure they are back to Italy by now, but we will keep an eye out. _

I nodded in acknowledgement.

Alice's eyes were unreadable. She bent down and whispered something into Bella's ear, but in her thoughts she was singing Living La Vida Loca. She always had ways to cover what she was really thinking, and I didn't like it. She took another second to stare at me then followed Carlisle up the path with Sam.

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I watched her walk toward me. A fresh pain jabbed my stomach with each step she took. I could see her clearly, even though the now drizzle. She wore one of Rosalie's black and white pullovers to replace the shirt I had so carelessly destroyed. Both wrists were bandaged and one of her palms was covered with a large piece of gauze. Blue and purple bruises covered her lips where I had kissed her without thinking of her well being. I always knew I would hurt her, and I had. My worst fear had came true.

I couldn't look anymore, not at what I'd done. I stood up from the log and began walking to the shoreline.

I could tell that she had stopped a few yards back from me. I wanted to turn to her as quickly as I could and tell her how truly sorry I was, how awful I felt, and how ashamed I was. I struggled to find the words, any words, to make her understand because I knew there _were _none. How were you supposed to explain your deplorable actions when there was no explanation good enough?

I tried, but I couldn't make myself look at her. Conversely, everything I had in me wanted to run to her, hug her, and have her hold me, to tell me she forgave me... Fighting off the unfair urge, I planted my heels deeper in the sand. Instead of Bella, I hugged myself.

We stood that way for what seemed like an eternity. In fact, the drizzle stopped and the seldom seen sun began to set behind a bank of looming clouds in the distance. Streaks of amber and violet sailed through the western sky. Even with all that was going on, I had to admit, it was an awe inspiring sight. Not something seen everyday in Forks.

A gust of wind blew through, causing the air to chill. I heard Bella's breath shiver and instinctively turned to her. It shocked me as much as her. I started to turn back to my self-imposed solitude, but the look in her eyes, the pleading in them made me stop. I couldn't take them looking at me like that anymore. I had to suck up my self-loathing and do something to make things right for _her_ even if I couldn't fathom what that might be.

"Are you cold?" I asked in response to her arms embracing herself. My normally smooth voice cracked.

She smiled tentatively while rubbing her shirt sleeves. "No, not really."

"You're a terrible liar."

"I do my best."

It was quiet again, so quiet I could hear her heart beating. The same sound which had driven me mad for the past weeks now made me grateful that I hadn't taken it from her too.

She spoke again softly. I wasn't even really sure she had meant for me to hear it. "What did Jane do to you?"

"Would it make you feel better to know?" I cocked my head, genuinely curious.

Her cheeks blushed a gorgeous shade of rouge, obviously she hadn't meant for me to hear her. She decided to answer anyway. "It might make you feel better."

The sheer ridiculousness of that statement made me laugh. After all I had done with her, to her, it was ludicrous for her to want to make _me_ feel better. But that was Bella. To care more about others than herself. It was wrong in this case.

I shook my head after the humor had faded. "It was wrong of me to get so involved with you. From the beginning, I knew what was in me and I didn't care. I just wanted you."

"Stop." she shut her eyes and held out her hand. She didn't open them, but kept on talking. "Are you going to say you are sorry?" she said bitterly. "Are you apologizing for every kiss you gave me, every time you touched me, asking me to marry you?"

I couldn't help myself. I walked to her, raising my hand and taking extreme care not to hurt her. I ran my fingers over the discolored bruises on her fragile lips. "My kisses did this." I took her wrists. "My touch did this." I said softly. "It was wrong for me to get so involved with you. It would have been better--"

"Better for who?" she cut me off, angrily snatching her hands from mine. "You?"

"You know that's not--"

"Just shut up." her words shot out like bullets. Each one cutting deeply into my flesh. "You do _not_ get to feel bad for the past two years! You are _not _wallowing in self-pity and leaving me again. It's unacceptable!"

"Bella." I sighed, longing to reach out and comfort her, then admonishing myself for those feelings.

She put up her hand to stop me. "Stop." she all but whispered. "You don't get to do this. Not again."

With no idea of what was right or wrong, moral or immoral, what to do or what not to do, I slammed my hands in my pockets and stared down at the dark carpet of sand below my feet. We stood there in silence again. It took awhile before I could speak. "I'm not the same man I was before."

"Yes, yes you are." she said back, almost pleading. "Something happened to you... with Jane and Alec. You lost your way. That's all.--"

I gave a dark half-hearted laugh which cut her off. "I've killed people." I finally looked at her, my dark red eyes locked with hers. "You know it's true."

"Were they innocent?"

I kicked some sand idly. "Doesn't matter. Murder is murder."

"Edward!" she yelled back.

"Rapists!" I answered back in her tone. "Alright. They were would-be rapists." I paused then whispered. "Same as me."

She hesitated for a moment then started toward me. I was both angry and relieved. She reached out ever so gently and touched my arm. "What did Jane do to you?" she asked again with way too much concern for a thing like me.

I wanted to protest, but knew it would just cause us to talk our way back in a circle. I kept my hands safely tucked in my pockets, but turned toward the water. My eyes saw the nearly gone sun setting behind the hills, but what I really saw was what had happened a week before...

"I was supposed to meet with Jane on some kind of truce she wanted. I knew it was a trap, or at least I thought it to be, but Alice saw nothing malicious occurring so I went ahead."

"Alice feels bad about that, you know?" she interrupted.

I nodded and cleared my throat. Alice was in no way responsible for any of it. "Why did you go alone?"

"Jane said if I didn't come alone, she would kill you instantly. She had Felix watching the house. So I went to the little cabin in the woods.. the one I took you too--"

"And then?" She asked, pressing me on after I paused.

"And then I saw that it wasn't just Jane, but her brother Alec as well." I think I shuttered, but was too lost in my memories to tell. It was fresh like it was just happening. "Jane is bad enough. She can hurt you, well not you exactly, she can hurt me. But she is tolerable. Alec on the other hand... Alec is in a league all of his own."

The memories flooded back so swiftly that it almost rocked me. _The room. The table. Alec. The pain was horrible. In my head. In my body. Jane, laughing like a giddy school girl, urging Alec on. Telling me that Alec had done something to keep Alice from seeing so no rescue would come to me or my 'darling disgusting human'. The poker... hot, burning. The knife piercing. Nothing compared to the mental torture Alec pummeled me with. _

I steadied myself, breaking away from those memories. Nothing that they did excused my behavior. I had to keep reminding myself that. "I don't want to get into the details because they really don't matter, but Alec has this--power. Much more lethal than Jane's. He-- does things-- inside your head-- makes it where you don't know what is reality or what is madness."

"I don't know how long I was there, but when the pain in my head lessened, the pain in my body matched it's equal." I smirked to myself. "Jane has a child-like joy in the ways of torture."

I didn't want to go on because really what did it matter how I became what I became. And I didn't want her feeling sorry for me... not the monster that almost-- I couldn't bring myself to think it. Jane and Alec had only taken away my memories, beat me down. What laid beneath was entirely me, my doing. My consequences.

She remained silent, I guessed mentally driving me onward. Despite myself, I went on. "I don't know when I broke, but I know one second I'm in the cabin-" I left of the part where I was screaming in mind numbing pain "-- and the next I'm running through the woods, lost and naked on my different levels. I couldn't remember anything, anyone. I, by chance, or maybe Alec and Jane planned it, I don't know. But I came to my house, only I didn't know it was my house at the time." I paused. "You know the rest of the story."

She nodded slowly, clearly absorbing it all in. It was night now and all that illuminated us was the full moon. It was kind of poetic, I thought.

But I was delaying the inevitable too long.

"I know it's wrong of me." I spoke when it was clear she wouldn't or couldn't. "But can I ask something of you?"

"As long as it has nothing to do with you leaving without me." she said sternly, causing a small laugh to escape my lips. "Isabella," I wanted to run my fingers soothingly through her windblown hair, but tightening my hands in my pockets instead. "Promise me that you won't forgive the monster that did this to you."

"What? "No- no. I can't. It's already done." she stammered on until I placed my finger lightly on her bruised lip, startling us both. I hastily retracted it, careful not to frighten her. Not that she had any fear in her eyes.

"Bella, I can't live with what I've done. Let me finish--" I added at the first sign of protest. "I will come back. I promise you that. But I have to go. I have to make myself a better-- man. For you."

"How long?" was all she could say as silent tears fell.

"Not long. I'll be back in time for our wedding next month." Then it hit me. "That is if you still want to marry me then."

"I don't want you to go."

"I know, but this is what I have to do to be able to live with myself-- since you won't let me go for good."

I hesitated, but held out my hand gingerly, offering her to take it, but only if she wanted. It was entirely her choice. She would never be forced again. She took it, but I was unable not to smile. She looked like a pouting child. "I _will_ come back, and when I do, I'll be a man you can be proud of."

I held on, selfishly drinking in her warmth, her touch. I had done without it for so long and now I would again. But this time I would be the one in charge. It hurt me, but I finally released her hand and began walking away. "I love you." I heard her call out behind me. Her voice caught I'm sure with tears. I turned and made myself smile her favorite crooked smile to let her know that no matter what, I would fight. She hadn't lost me for good. "I love you too." I said as I turned and walked away, leaving her alone on the La Push beach.


	8. Part 7: Light

A/N: Thank you so much for reading and for your replies! I love reading them. Hope I don't disappoint.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.

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Part 7: Light

Two weeks later, I returned.

I'll never forget the way everything looked when I crossed the Forks line. It was a sunny Sunday morning, and the roads had more traffic on them than usual with people going to and fro to church or enjoying the nice, warm summer day. It was the end of July, nearing August. In the early morning light, the leaves glinted like emeralds or peridot. The land, never reaching drought, had a deep rich green color... a color not as sharp as I had seen it when I left. But there were always prices to pay.

I walked up the bright street unnoticed, revealing in my anonymity. For once, I was truly 'one of them'.

She first caught a glimpse of me while I stood across the road from her home. I don't think she noticed me right away. I had on a white short-sleeved shirt with the first 2 buttons undone. My hands were placed in my black cargo shorts that fell right above my knee. I looked like every other Joe in Forks. Then she took a second look, and her eyes lit up. I don't think she noticed the obvious right away. She was just too happy to have me back. Quickly, she ran to me and threw herself into my arms. I held her tightly never wanting to let her go. Finally, I could feel her grip lax as she felt what I knew she would feel in time.

Amazement and disbelief filled her exquisite brown eyes as she locked them with my warm green ones. She didn't speak. Just marveled, just as I had not 48 hours before. She hesitated, just a second, and then lightly ran her smooth fingers down my peach, warm skin. Her hand began to tremble as she ran them back up and placed her palm, the one I had defiled, onto my chest. She gasped as she felt my beating heart.

"How?" she said in awe, not taking her hand away from its position.

I ran my fingers though her silky hair. It was so much nicer to touch her and not worry about hurting her. "You deserved a man, not a monster. I went and got you one." I said simply.

When she inquired further, I told her that it didn't matter how. It was done, and we would get to grow old together. That's what was important. The thought of us actually growing 'old' probably didn't appeal to her since she had her hopes up on an eternal Earthly life, but she didn't protest.. not to me.

I'm sure she wondered, but she never asked again, not a single time in our 52 year marriage.

We wed on our intended wedding date. My family was less than pleased with my new state, but at least Esme understood and was proud. The rest were just astounded. Especially Rosalie who pleaded with me to tell her my secret. She longed more than anything to be human again, and as much as it pained me, I refused to tell her. It wouldn't have done her any good in any case. The miracle and the burden were mine and mine alone to carry. It caused a ripple in our relationship for many years, and I'm not sure if it really ever truly recovered.

Every one of my family members attended our wedding, save Rosalie and Emmett of course. Even without them, the wedding was beautiful. Bella, my lovely Bella, entered our home through the front doors with her father, Charlie, walking her. It was at sunset, twilight, a gorgeous time of day even if you were human. She wore a plain white cap-sleeved dress with an ornate lace covering. She couldn't have been more gorgeous. I'm sure I gawked. Probably even embarrassed myself. My vampire good-looks were gone. My chiseled features had softened back like then were in 1918, the last time I was human. Never one to put allot of credence in outer appearances, I, however, found myself a little nervous that maybe she wouldn't like just ordinary Edward. She proved again and again that those insecurities were unfounded.

Our wedding night was a night I would never forget in all my days in this life or the next. The way she felt, how warm she was as she slid her tiny body down mine, giving me pleasure I had never experienced. It truly felt like we became one that night. One person. One body. One soul, as cliché as that sounds. I lay that night, holding her, watching her sleep. She looked so peaceful. So content. That was the last time I thought about what I had done to become the man she needed. I knew I had made the right choice. Consequences be damned.

We weren't completely sure about having biological children of our own since I had been... well, dead for many years. Not wanting to "fill the world with possible half-breed human/vampire demons" as Bella so eloquently put it, we chose against it. I always had a sneaking suspicion that she was just using that as an excuse. Bella never was one to cause herself pain of any kind of she could help it.

When Bella was 25 and a college graduate, we adopted a little girl and named her Charleigh in honor of her father who, of course, was over the moon for his first granddaughter. Charleigh was the light of our lives with little blond ringlets spiraling down her shoulders. She was a spit fire, just like her mother. I definitely had my hands full, and I enjoyed every minute of it.

What I hadn't counted on was how quickly human years pass by. One minute Charleigh laid nestled in my lap as I rocked her to sleep to her favorite lullaby, then the next I was walking her down the aisle at her own wedding. Once married, her and her new husband, Andrew, moved to New York City for his job, but Bella and I remained.

Forks were the place we called home throughout our entire marriage. The people came and went. My family among them when the time came before people became suspicious of their continual youthful appearance. They loved to tease me, though, as gray began filtering through my hair and wrinkles carved out little canyons. Alice alone knew what had happened the time I left and only because she saw it in a vision. At my request, she didn't tell the others. They would find out soon enough, and at the time, it wasn't important. I did want I did so I could be with Bella. I wasn't going to dwell on it when I had her all to myself, for however long I had her.

Bella and I never talked about that day in the cabin or where I went afterwards. We were happy and content in our miracle life together.

Then, one day, as quickly as our time together had started, it ended. In Bella's 69th year, she became sick with cancer, breast cancer to be more precise. I, of course, stayed by her side through it all. She battled for well over a year, longer than anyone had imagined. Her hair had fallen out from the chemo, and she was always sick or tired. But through it all, she was still Bella. She would roll her eyes and smirk at me from her hospital bed when I told her she was beautiful. It was never a lie

The spring of the next year would be Bella's last. She was placed in a hospice so she could live out her days in relative peace. I wanted to keep her at our home, but Charleigh had insisted that the staff could care for 'Mom' better than I. In my now dwindling state, I had to agree with her.

She had flown in to say her good-byes as the doctors said it wouldn't be long now, leaving my 5 year old grandson, Anthony, in his father's care. I paced the floor outside Bella's room, giving them space, not thinking about what the future held for me. Bella was my priority.

Charleigh came out of Bella's room, wiping the fresh tears from her eyes. She all but ran to me and hugged me. She placed her head under my neck like she had when she was a little girl. I let the memory of it, the feeling, brand itself in my mind. I knew wouldn't get another chance.

She told me her mother wanted a moment with me alone. I kissed her gently on the her forehead, knowing it would be the last time I would be able. I told her I loved her and kissed her cheek. I sent her to the cafeteria with the excuse that I was growing weary and needed something to eat. It was just a rouse unfortunately. My eyes began to fill with tears that I wouldn't allow to drop as one of my lights walked away from me. I turned and entered the room of the other.

Her private room was dimly lit with only the lamp above her bed on. The curtains to the wet, dreary outside world were drawn. "I wanted to picture it sunny." her tired older voice called, noticing my questioning expression.

I walked to her, smiling despite myself. Even at the wonderful age of 70, her head covered with a bandanna, oxygen tube in her nose, she still looked as beautiful to me as ever. Her eyes still held in them the same fire they had when we first me. She was radiant.

I drew a chair closer to her bedside. She offered her hand, a big grin covered her face. "What?" I asked, trying to suppress a chuckle.

"After all these years, you still dazzle me." she beamed. I didn't think she was seeing the 69 year old man I was now. White hair mixed with a hint of silver, wrinkle lines around my eyes and mouth, the very definition of laugh lines. I think she saw the boy I had been. The boy she fell in love with all those years before.

"As do you." I replied to her previous statement. She playfully rolled her eyes as usual. I was going to miss seeing that.

"Did you see Charleigh?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Yes. She's headed for the cafeteria."

She closed her eyes and smiled as only a mother can. "We did a good job with her."

"Most assuredly." I agreed, kissing her soft, hand which had been worn with age.

Bella got quiet for a moment, looking at our intertwined fingers like there was something she wanted to say but couldn't find the right words. Finally, I guess she found them. "I forgive you, you know." where the words she chose to speak.

I'll admit it stung that in her last minutes, she had to think about that awful act I had done. I tried to hide the cringe I felt, the knot that I didn't want forming in my stomach. "Shhh. Don't worry about that." was all I could say while lightly tracing patterns on her hand.

"No, I don't want to d-- I don't want to _go_ without telling you that."

"Who says you're going anywhere?" I asked, now lightly playing with her bandanna. "You heard Carlisle when he called. You know that we can go to more specialists, see more people to help us."

"And I know as well as you do what Alice saw."

I cut my eyes at her and bit my lip, wondering how in the world she knew what Alice saw. "She's not one to keep secrets." Bella smiled a half smile, then laughed at my annoyed expression. "She called a few hours ago. She said she didn't want me to 'leave' without her telling me good-bye. I kinda got the gist of it. That plus the hospice, doesn't take a rocket scientist."

"The hospice is just temporary."

She raised an eyebrow. "The definition of hospice _is _temporary." She sighed and ran her fingers along my worn features. "You and I both know that I don't have allot of time left. I don't want to spend it arguing with you."

I blinked back a few tears and forced myself to smile. "Nor do I."

She made her eyes lock with mine, a trick I know she had perfected over the years. "I do forgive you."

"Don't." I tried to fight the feelings as they all came back, too raw for me to handle. "I can't take it, Bella. I don't want to think that your last thoughts of me were ill ones."

"Silly boy." she laughed, causing her to lose her breath momentarily. I quickly got up and gave her a drink of water to soothe her. The weak spells were coming more frequently now. Alice had seen her dead before nightfall. That only gave us a few more minutes together by my calculations. She composed herself and relaxed into her pillow a bit, letting her eyes fix back on me. "Sorry about that. I-"

"No." I protested. "Save your breath. Rest some."

She only smiled wider. "You can't prolong this, so let me say my peace. Please."

Against everything I had in me, I nodded encouraging her to speak. I took the side of the bed down and rested my head on her bosom, listening to her breathing and slow, steady heart beat. It hadn't drove me crazy in years, but the sound of it, the miracle of a beating heart, still left me in awe every time.

She began running her fingers lovingly through my salt and pepper hair. "Edward. You may think that I forgave too easily. That I should have made you suffer for what-- that shell that wasn't you-- did. The truth is that I haven't forgiven 'him'. I never have and I never will. But you are not that monster. _You_ never were. Vampire or human, Edward Cullen has been the love of my life. And though I always planned on not dying, well becoming a vampire with you at any rate, I wouldn't trade a second I've had with you... the _real _you for anything in this world. You didn't have to go to where ever you went to change for me. But the fact that you did, that you put my safety, my well-being, my happiness above everything else, how could I not still be dazzled by you?"

I listened without saying a word. Listening to her words, to her decelerating beats, knowing time was up. Her breathing became heavy and drawn-out. "Let me get someone for you." I pleaded, knowing it was to no avail.

She motioned for me to put my head back on her chest, too weak to place it there herself. I obliged, everything I had wanted me to go screaming through the halls for help.

"Edward. What did you do?" She asked simply for the first time since I had came back 52 years before.

I sighed heavily. "I took care of things-- for us Bella. Don't worry about it."

"Will I see you again?" she whispered as if she was embarrassed to ask.

I knew what she was asking, and I couldn't stop the small laugh that escaped me. "I didn't sell my soul, Bella."

She sighed happily, another concern of hers evaporated. "Remember when we first got together? You would climb in my bed and sing me my lullaby."

"Yes." I nodded.

"Could we pretend we are young and stupid again." she laughed though her words were filled with sadness. Her deep brown eyes sparking with unborn tears.

"Of course, love." I climbed into bed with her, hugged her tightly to my chest, and began humming the lullaby she inspired. I watched as she closed her eyes, settled in my embrace with a content expression on her face. That was the last time I ever saw her awake.

Her heart monitor was silenced, but I could see that she was fading fast. I leaned my head down to touch hers, kissed her gently, and whispered in her ear. "Isabella Marie Swan Cullen. It has been a my pleasure above all others to love you and to have the honor of you loving me. I will see you again as soon as I can." I watched her sleeping, awaiting her next breath. It never came.

I lost it. For a moment, I lost all sense of myself and I let the tears flow freely. I didn't sob for I didn't want anyone coming in and taking her from me just yet. Not until I was ready-- I never thought I'd feel ready. A few seconds after she stopped breathing, her heart line on her monitor drew flat. A new round of tears streamed down my stately face.

Knowing there was nothing more I could do, and knowing someone would come to check at any moment, I wiped away my tears and positioned myself sitting beside her on her bed. She simply looked like she was sleeping like she had next to me for years... like she would sleep now for all eternity. "I hope I make you proud." I whispered. The old man I had became leaned down to kiss her one last time on her still warm lips. The young vampire I once was released the kiss. I held her hand in my cold one, hers still felt warm. Everything returned that quickly. My stone skin, my sharp features. The ability to read minds which, although hadn't disappeared completely as a human, was restored to its full height.

I saw my reflection in the sink next to her bed. I was the young vampire I had been. The vampire I had last seen in Romania 52 years before. The vampire who traded his servitude to a band a gypsies for a chance at a human life.

The vampire who now had to fulfill his end of the bargain.

I returned to Bella, tucked her in for the last time, but wouldn't allow the thing I was now touch her any further. "Good-bye my love." I whispered grieved. With that I pushed back the curtains and jumped out the window into the dismal rain of the Olympic Peninsula. Never to be seen in that particular part of the world ever again.


	9. Part 8: Now and Then

A.N: Thank you for the replies... even the flame LOL. I love getting feedback. It really does help. And I'm sorry if you read the weird version of Part 7 that had a double post to it. I will do better.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. If I did, I wouldn't write fanfic... ok, yeah, I probably would LOL

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Part 8: Now and Then

_"So you're headed there now?"_

"That's a rhetorical question for a psychic."

_"Yeah, whatever. We'll meet you there."  
_  
"You don't need too, Alice." I sighed. "I won't jeopardize your existence for a choice I made."

_"You know that we have been in a holding pattern for awhile now." She paused. "I told them. Just a few minutes ago... when I was sure..."  
_  
"I know." My voice tried not to crack. "It's ok. They had to know sooner or later."

_"You need us all for this. And Rosalie is being, well, uncooperative. She's still pretty mad at you."_

I laughed half-hearted. "Yeah, well, after she sees what it has cost me, she may not covet so much."

_"Yeah." she matched my pitiful attempt. "We are already on a plane.."_

"Alice--"

_"Edward. It's done. We have to help you. Don't fight me on this, you know you need us."  
_  
I huffed to myself. Of course I knew I needed them. I was putting them in danger, something I hated doing. It seemed completely selfish of me to do it, but I knew they would come no matter what I said.

When I didn't speak again, Alice went on._ "I can't believe Bella is gone."_

"I know." I shut my eyes and saw her face, the peaceful, sleeping face I had left her with hours before.

"_I'm not sorry I called her before hand."_

"I know that too. I'm not angry with you. I don't have room in me to be angry with you. Not with everything else."

_"It's going to be alright." She sounded certain of that fact.  
_  
"Is that a know or a want?"

_"No, I haven't seen it. But I know with my whole heart that everything will be ok. Trust me."_

"I'll have to on this."

_"See you in Italy."  
_  
"See you in Italy." I replied then closed my cell phone. I leaned back into my chair in my hotel room, shut my eyes, and only thought of her. The reason I was about to do all of this crazy mess. I knew it was worth it, and maybe I'd save the world in the process. I reached in my jacket pocket and pulled out a pristine picture of Bella from when we were in high school. I had kept it in mint condition. It was one of my most prized positions. She had aged well, at least I thought so. She never lost her beauty. But the picture of her I carried brought me back to the days I wanted her more to kill her than to love her. Then I realized that wasn't entirely true. I knew I loved her from the moment I first saw her. In the strange way a vampire can love a human.

I lightly rubbed the curve of her lips, the contour of her cheek, wishing I could feel her warmth just one last time. Sending I'm sure unheard prayers that I would be able to see her again, and hoping where ever she was wouldn't feel her wrath if they kept me away and didn't let me fulfill my promise.

My eyes never left her picture, but my mind, despite myself, wandered to the deal I made the weeks following getting my memory back and the unspeakable thing I almost did to her. What I _did_ do to her.

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_Italy, July 2008_

I wasn't exactly sure what I was looking for, but I knew what I wanted to find.

It was dark when I left Bella standing on First Beach. Thankfully, when I made it into Aero Porto di Firenze "Amerigo Vespucci" Airport the next night. I booked a hotel, checked the next day's weather (cloudy), and forced myself to say in my room until daybreak. Florence, Italy was a beautiful city. I had seen it many times in my years. It pained me when I thought of how Bella would have loved to see it. But even if we were on good terms, Florence with its close vicinity to Volterra, was way too dangerous for her.

When the first signs of light filtered through my window, I headed toward the Biblioteca Nazionale Centrale at Florence, the national central library. There are two such libraries in Italy, but this one is historically richer. History is what I needed.

When I arrived at my destination, I was, as always, overwhelmed by its charm. It is a beautiful stately building across the Arno River from the Pizzale Michaelangelo. Very old world in its characteristics, it was built in 1714 and, even through some rough times, it has maintained its luster.

Upon entering I inquired to the lady at the front desk the location of the section on myths and legends. She produced a sketch of the building, circled where I needed to go, and gave me directions. I thanked her, and went on my way.

The section wasn't hard to find using her map as a guide. I scanned over the titles until I found some that seemed to pique my interest. Vampyre, Mythical Creatures in a Modern World, Vampyre: Legion, Ancient Oddities of the Human Condition, The Old World, and many others too numerous to name. I also took copies of books on werewolves, zombies, Roman gods, just so if anyone saw my stack, they wouldn't become suspicious. When I had been a young vampire, in the days when I had defied Carlisle, I had come to this very library to find answers to my existence. I learned later that it is a common theme among us 'bloodsuckers'. We like to know our origin. We are as curious as humans to that point.

I sat down at a very isolated desk and picked one book up and random. Running wasn't the only thing I was fast at. I was finished reading in a matter of minutes. Unfortunately, nothing held any interest or answers for me. In fact, most of the books fell into the same category. When I only had two left, I began becoming impatient. Maybe I was deluding myself that there was something I could do? Maybe a vampire was a vampire until the day he/she was destroyed and there was nothing to prevent it?

Disgusted with the whole situation, I tossed my latest volume down at the stack I had procured and ran my fingers through my disheveled hair. I had placed myself in a very hard predicament. I had promised Bella to return to her, but I could not in good consciousness come back to her the same monster I left her. It wasn't fair to her, and I would not allow it.

Just about ready to give up and look elsewhere, one of the books on the stacks next to me caught my eye. Gypsy Legends of the Eighteenth Century. I cautiously rose from my chair and walked over to it. Gypsies weren't people I normally read about. I took it from the stacks anyway and went back to my small, secluded desk. I found that it had been published in 1979, a relatively new book considering the much older ones I had been looking through. I flipped through the pages, slower than I had any others, like there was a sixth (or in my case seventh) sense guiding me. Then, one of the pages caught my attention. Actually, it wasn't even a page; it was more of a sentence. One sentence in the countless others I had read that day.

"Mykal, undead, became among the living, cursed, blessed, both by the Gypsies of Aita Mare."

That was the only reference to this 'Mykal' or any other 'undead' in the entire book, but it was enough for me. I quickly placed all of the books on the return shelf, escaped to my hotel room to pack my few belongings, and headed back to the airport to book passage to Romania.

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Florence, Italy: Present Day

My thoughts were interrupted by knocks on my door. I normally heard people coming, heard their thoughts, but on this day I had been too far gone in mine to notice. I lazily got out of my perch on the opulent red and gold clad bed and made my way across the immaculately decorated suite. I'm not sure why I splurged on a Grand Deluxe suit at the Westin Excelsior. It's not easy finding a room in Florence in the summer, and money talks. Money can also buy you happiness... for a price.

I already knew who it was before I even go to the door. It wasn't difficult. Once the door was unlocked, I didn't even have time to open it before a bubbly pixie came bounding in, giving me a big old bear hug. "Oh Edward! I can finally give you a decent hug without worrying about breaking your ribs."

Despite myself, I smiled and hugged her back. "Yeah, Alice. That's a really good trade off."

She backed away, eyes wide. "Oh, I'm sorry Edward. I didn't mean... I mean... I'm sorry your not human and all. It's just nice to have you more durable again."

I had to laugh again. 'Durable' was one of the words I always used to describe how Bella would be when we used to talk about her becoming a vampire. At that moment, I didn't want to be durable. I wanted to be able to die with Bella, but thoughts like that weren't going to help me fulfill my promise, contract, whatever you wanted to call it.

Behind Alice, the men stood, not near as bubbly, but smiling none the less. Alice let me go and Jasper took her place. "I'm truly sorry about Bella." He said as he patted my back in our hug.

"I know. Thanks." I released him and in came Emmett. He didn't hug me like I thought he would. He just stared. An uncomfortable chuckle emitted from me, "What?" I asked. "It's you. You look all... young again. That's one hell of a plastic surgeon you found." Emmett, smiling broadly, came and hugged me too. I realized it was just his way of dealing with things. He would probably never bring up Bella, but I could tell in his eyes that he missed her and was thinking about her.

Carlisle and Esme rounded out our motley crew. I was told Rosalie wasn't coming. In fact, she and Emmett had taken a temporary hiatus to their relationship over his siding with me. I hated that for them. I wanted everyone to just be happy and together. Some wishes just weren't meant to be I reasoned.

"Damn Edward. Went all out, eh?" Emmett called from the large window in the living room of the suite.

"No," I replied. "I could have had the Presidential Suite, but thought that might be pushing it."

We all ended up congregated in the spectacularly decorated, maroon living room off of the bedroom of like color. I say it was a maroon living room, but in fact, the walls were a copper tone. The opulent chairs, the bed coverings, curtains, the little odds and ends that no one really cares about unless you are staying in a 'fancy' suite, were all maroon which matched perfectly with the walls. Cream colored double doors lead the way between the two rooms. The black iron chandelier in the bedroom matched the table side lamps, iron curtain rods, and exquisite black coffee table with glass top of the living room. Again, my thoughts went to Bella and how she would have loved this room. Actually, she probably would have chided me for going 'all out' and 'wasting money'. Underneath it all, she would have loved it, but never admitted it.

Esme sat in one of the regal-style chairs. Jasper paced. Alice went from the chairs, to the couch, to Jasper's side and back again, not able to keep still. Carlisle stood beside me; hand on my shoulder, at the entryway between the two rooms. Emmett looked longingly out the window. He wouldn't have admitted it for sure. His thoughts gave him away. Rosalie's absence weighed heavily on his mind.

"Ok, so we have a mess." Jasper began.

"No, I have a mess." I clarified.

"Same difference." Jasper rolled his eyes mockingly at me. "In any case there is a definite mess."

I raised my eyebrows and nodded. Definite mess. The family began talking strategy. As they did, my mind wandered back to 2008 and my trip to Romania.

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_Aita Mare, Romania July, 2008_  
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Finding the place was easy enough. The commune of Aita Mare wasn't extremely far from the airport. I did, however, feel strange even a tad bit silly being in the part of Romania that was once known as Transylvania. The Vampire Edward... in Transylvania. Yeah, horror fans beware!

The city, or small town for lack of a better word, was just a tiny blip on the map. Not even 2,000 people lived there making it the perfect place for myth and legend.

I drove my rented black Mustang across the bridge and into the town limits around night fall. It was a peaceful little town. Even with the small population, the stone covered streets were filled with rows of house I could only describe as 'old worldly'. I saw the steeples of at least two churches rising up against the horizon.

Getting to Aita Mare was the easy part. Finding someone to help me was the hard part. Or so I thought.

I found a small, quaint little hotel not far from the town limit. Even though it was the height of one of the two busiest Transylvanian tourist seasons (the other I learned was Halloween), I was lucky enough to find a vacancy there.

The only thing I found open that time of night was a pub called The Rambling Rose. I went in and sat in a corner booth, surveying the scene. Two burly men nursed beers on stools at the counter. The rest of the room had five other inhabitants, three of them customers, two waitresses. I wasn't there long before a leggy brunette came waltzing my way with a smile as broad as the mountain range. "New in town?"

I nodded.

"Well, my name's Corina."

"Edward." I replied offering to shake her hand.

"Edward, what can I get you?"

"Information, if you please."

"What kind of information?" she darted her big brown eyes at me.

"I'm a writer. And I'm looking for any information on--"

"Vampires." she finished for me and nodded in understanding. "We get allot of your type around here."

"I imagine." I laughed. I'm sure there had been a lot of vampires in this part of Romania from time to time.

"Well, there is a library about a 1/2 mile down the road. It's not as stocked as Florence or Rome, but it gets us by." By this time she was sitting at the booth facing me; interest clearly audible in her voice.

I leaned into her, mimicking her pose. "Actually, I'm looking for a person, maybe that I can talk too. See I'm not just writing a novel about vampires, but also about--" I paused and whispered, just to let her know that this conversation was just for us. And maybe pique her interest a little bit more. "--about gypsies."

Her eyes lit up like Christmas. "You don't say. My uncle is the nearest thing to a Gypsie I know. He doesn't follow the 'traditions' but he is well versed in the history. I can set up a meeting between you two if you'd like."

"You are a Godsend." I smiled brightly. She took it as a sign of some sort and reached over the table to touch my hands. Quickly, I jerked them away, and then spent a good 5 seconds trying to figure out how to get her back in my good graces. It appeared I had hurt her feelings in some way. "I'm sorry. It's just-"

"Look. I'm just touchy, feely like that. No harm done. I'll set up that meeting tomorrow."

"Evening if possible."

She nodded. "Evening. Sure I can't get you anything?"

"I'm sure." I stood up and bowed to her. "Ms. Corina, thank you very much for the information and for setting a meeting with your uncle. I appreciate it more than you know."

"My pleasure. Come back tomorrow at dusk and I'll tell you when and where."

"Thank you. Goodnight." I tilted my head to her and walked away. That woman had no ill thoughts toward me. No ulterior motives, save maybe she thought she might win a date. I'd deal with that in time. For now, I needed her on my side.

I made it back to my room at round 3 am. It was a charming, one bedroom, chamber with stone walls and a big, four poster, dark wood bed. I flipped the TV on, trying to find something to occupy my time there. I hoped that the weather tomorrow would be cloudy so I could do some more research during the day. I was too wired to stay in my tiny room. It would feel like a prison. Besides I was on a timeline. I had promised Bella I would be back in time for our wedding, and I had no intention of breaking her heart.

Florence, Italy: Present Day

"Edward. Snap out of it." I heard Emmett say, waving his hand in front of my eyes and snapping his fingers at me.

"Sorry, I was... thinking." I stammered.

"Think some other time. We have business to discuss and you haven't said anything."

I strolled passed Emmett to his previous post at the window. "Maybe I haven't said anything because there is nothing to discuss. I'm doing this on my own."

Their thoughts shouted at me as much as their words. I turned to them, pleading. "Please. Just... I can't risk your lives for my promise. Let me do this alone."


	10. Part 9: Mykal

A/N: thank you for the reviews. I hope this isn't too confusing. If it is let me know and I'll try to do better at it.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.

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Part 9: Mykal

_Aita Mare, Romania. July, 2008_

_On the next night, I made my way back to __The Rambling Rose__ and found that, to my delight, Corina had kept her promise. There in the back booth, almost hidden in the shadow clad corner, sat an older gentleman she introduced as 'Uncle Gregory'. 'Uncle Gregory' was a statue of a man. He wore silvery, white hair flowing to his shoulders. His face held age and wisdom in its fluent wrinkles. And in his eyes, I saw knowledge. _

_Upon seeing me, seeing from his expression the knowledge of what he undeniably knew I was, he stood to customarily shake my hand, then, with a flinch of his muscle, released it and strolled away. _

_Corina, her dark, soft features torn, went after him, but he bid her farewell, never stopping his hasty exit._

_I knew he knew what I was, but I also knew that he was my only link to 'Mykal' and whatever it was that made him human again. He wasn't getting away from me that easily._

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Westin Hotel, Florence, Italy. Present Day.

"What do you mean 'It will be easy.'?" I asked dumbfounded. My brother's statement had thrown me for a gigantic loop, taking me out of my memories.

Emmett laughed heartily. "Just trying to snap you out of where ever you keep going in your head, brother." He smiled before hitting me on my back. It was really hard to stay mad at Emmett, but if I willed myself hard enough, I'm sure I could do it.

"Do you think this is a joke?"

"No, I think it's very serious. One doesn't take this as being fun and fancy free." His tone struck me as different for my brother. He had a very real purpose behind his words. "That's why we need you to focus. We have to come up with a plan."

"No plans."

"Stop being so pigheaded!"

"Pigheaded!? Pot meet kettle."

"Hold it!" Jasper jumped in to intervene between us, a pair of bulls locking our metaphorical horns. "This is NOT getting us anywhere. Calm down." He added, as if we ever had a choice when he was around. Once he saw that we weren't going to fight... at that moment anyway, he focused his attention to me. "Edward, why don't you want us to help?"

I sighed heavily and spoke swiftly. "I don't want it on my hands if anything should happen to any of you because of a choice I made. I couldn't bare it."

Jasper waited patiently before replying. "Ok. What's the real reason?"

"Jasper--" I protested.

"No. Listen. Being a martyr is all well and good. A great way to die and be remembered throughout our history as the idiot who wouldn't accept help. But I just wonder if there isn't an ulterior motive to you wanting to do this on your own."

I slit my eyes to him and crossed my arms wondering if he had become a mind reader in his old age. "Ok, what is my 'ulterior motive'?" I spat out the last two words.

Jasper shrugged and nonchalantly answered. "Revenge."

"Revenge?" I smirked out.

"Revenge. On Alec and Jane... for what they did to you. Seems to me you want them all to yourself."

I waited to reply. My family's well being had been a major reason for not wanting them to help me fight, but taking my long built up vengeance out on Alec and Jane was too sweet of an opportunity to pass up. Deep down I didn't care if I won. I didn't care if they destroyed me, as long as I took those two down first. I settled myself before I could answer. My voice was low and thoughtful. "Is that such a crime?"

Jasper came to me and placed his hand on my shoulder. "Not a crime at all. But what 'is' a crime is not taking back-up with you. You can have Alec and Jane if you wish, but you will need people with you to hold off the others so you CAN have your revenge."

He made a lot of sense, and I wanted to agree with him. It took me a moment of two before my lips would agree with what my mind kept telling me. "Fine, we'll do it your way. But when the time comes, Jane and Alec are mine."

"Wouldn't have it any other way." Jasper's face gleamed as he patted my back once and walked away.

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_Aita Mare, Romania, July 2008_

_The man called Gregory wasn't difficult to follow. I wasn't sure if he was actually inept at diversion or if he was leading me. He seemed to be very good at guarding his thoughts. In any case, I kept my eyes on him; following through the winding lamp lit alleyways and curved roads of this small, curious town. _

_We weren't in town long. He turned right at the last alley we entered and made his way into the forest which encompassed the sleepy village. The forest was much like our own in Washington. Big green trees (black in the darkness) loomed over us. A dense fog swirled above us. We walked this way for nearly an hour, long enough for me to realize that he meant for me to follow, even though his thoughts centered around a certain song I couldn't quite decipher. I wondered why he tried to hide his thoughts from me. It wasn't like I was a commonality among my 'kind'. In fact, I only knew of two with such abilities, but here this man was, either really wise or really into that song. _

_The full moon eerily guided us through the thicket of trees and billowing white clouds above us. Strange sounds came at me in every direction, unusual, ancient sounds. Even I with my wealth of knowledge couldn't place the sources. _

_Finally in the distance, I saw a clearing in the woods. It was in the form of a circle with torches instead of modern lamps illuminating the scenery. It looked like a picture out of a novel, the kind which reminded me the opposite of Aita Mare. Aita Mare seemed to be the 'pitchfork mob' mentality type of town. This place seemed to be surrounded in magic; a fanciful aura engulfed me the closer I walked to the, camp I guess it could be called. It wasn't a town in the least. I counted eight wood and stone houses around the perimeter of the circle, a torch in front of each. In the center, there were three larger, central buildings. I couldn't be sure if they were homes or places of business, worship maybe. _

_The closer we got, the more thoughts I heard emitting from the town. Most were sleeping, but some were up. One voice, a little old elderly lady by the sound, worried about her dying husband laying in the bed next to her. She had no idea how she would go on without him. My long gone heart ached for her, knowing that some day, if all went well tonight with this Gregory, that I would be in the same predicament as she in many years. _

_Lost in my own thoughts, I didn't hear Gregory stop or turn to me. When I looked up at him, staring at me, I almost froze. For a moment he smiled ever so slightly and thankfully made that incessant song leave his thoughts, _So, you are the cold one I've heard so much about?

_I would have been startled by his thoughts if I hadn't already known deep down that he had known what I was from the beginning. As it was, I simply nodded at him. "I'm here because I want to learn more about a man named Mykal."_

_The man's smile broadened at the name, but he didn't speak so I went on. "I read about him in Florence, how he was a vampire and became a man."_

_He waited a beat. "And you wish this to happen to you." It wasn't a question. I wondered if the man had actually been reading my thoughts this entire trek instead of the other way around._

_"Yes," I answered anyway. "I mean you no harm."_

_He chuckled and crossed his arms over his chest. "You wouldn't be here if I didn't already know that."_

_I shook my head at him. "How?"_

_"Is that really what you want answered now, Edward?"_

_For the second time, I froze. How did this man know my name? I was certain I hadn't given it to him, unless the girl, his niece Corina, had. I chalked it up to that answer and went on. "No, I don't want answers, sir. I want... I want to know how I can become human."_

_"And my niece said you wanted to write an article for some paper." he grinned again. His good humor was lost on me. I just wanted to get this over with and back to Bella._

_"You'll be back soon enough." he replied to my unspoken thoughts. Before I could question him further, he motioned for me to continue with him. "I can help you, Edward Cullen." I was sure I hadn't told even the niece my last name. _

_We spoke no further as he led me into one of the houses around the circle. Once we entered, I noticed that it was what I had expected. Two rooms. Kitchen/living quarters and one bedroom. No restroom which I assumed was one of the three buildings in the center of camp or possible on the outer edge somewhere farther away. The house was already lit with candles and a large fire roared in the old worldly looking fireplace even on this August evening. The heat didn't bother me of course, but Gregory rolled up his white shirt sleeves and opened every window he came too. "The fire is a nuisance, but necessary." he said over his shoulder as he opened the last window. I peered out and noticed that none of the other houses had smoke coming from their chimneys. As I thought that, I saw his frame shake with a hidden laugh, and I wondered what I had gotten myself into. I just kept telling myself that it was all worth it. It was worth it for Bella._

_"So," he began while taking a seat across from me. "You want to know the story of this Mykal you read about." again not a question. _

_"Yes." I said much too eagerly making him grin again._

_"I should start off by saying that you should believe none of this. That it is a legend that has been passed down for generations." _

_I wanted to tell him that I knew plenty of legends to be true, but I didn't interrupt. He nodded at something he was satisfied with and went on. "This man, this vampyre, Mykal was born in 1546. Nobody really knows where, but that's not the point of this story." he cut his wisdom filled eyes curtly at me. "When he was 19, he was betrothed to this girl. She was exquisite.." his mind seemed to wonder for only a second, lost in his story. "Or so the story goes. Anyway, on the eve of their intended wedding, Mykal was stopped from going home by a bloodthirsty vampyre. He ran, oh he ran as quickly as he could through the woods to escape his certain death, but he knew it was in vain. The girl cold one caught up to him and drank from him. But there was something about him she loved; she couldn't put her finger on it. It was like something she had been missing, but now found. She ended up changing him instead, and instead of being wed the next day, he was writhing in pain from his new transformation."_

_"The girl vampyre didn't care for his 'whining' and threw him out. Apparently, whatever it was that made her love him one day, repulsed her the next. Fickle little thing. He was alone, thrown to the wolves as it were. He decided to go home; see if his would be bride would still somehow accept him."_

_"He found her crying in her home, crying because she thought he had left her at the altar. What a sad state of affairs for a young woman to be in, the scorn of her society being left like that. He wanted to go in and help her, but he found his draw to her much more than he ever thought possible now. It wasn't just love he had for her. He didn't just lust after her body, he lusted for her blood. It took everything he had not to kill the girl, his beloved."_

_"But the strangest thing saved the girl. As he stood, perched on the windowsill to take her, he began hearing her talking, but her mouth wasn't moving. Feeling he was going mad, he kept intently watching for her mouth to move with anything by sobs, but nothing... he realized he could read her mind, and what he heard, the sorrow she felt, took him away from his vampyre self and made him run from her."_

_"He was a loner for a few years after that. Killing because it's what his body told him he must, what _he heard _that he must, being a 'cold one' and all, but he never truly got satisfaction from the kill. Never reveled in taking a human life because he could hear their thoughts." I was too lost in his story to interject. Gregory could be very well talking about me as much as this Mykal. The similarities were staggering._

_"One day, Mykal made it back to his homeland and once again spied on the girl. She was married now; he hadn't doubted that she wouldn't be. But what he could see was that she wasn't happy in the least with her life. Maybe it was wishful thinking, whatever, but with this poor substitute for him, she looked almost as lifeless as Mykal. Wishing for nothing more than to soothe her, he forgot himself, just for a moment he forgot..." the pain in Gregory's voice was apparent, but his thoughts I couldn't decipher, like he was blocking me somehow. He swallowed a lump in his throat hard like this was the part of the story he hated telling. "He forgot himself, just for a moment. Forgot what kind of monster he was. He went into her room and waited for her. He was expecting this huge meeting, a grand welcome home, but when she saw him. Saw his red eyes, his marble skin, she started shrieking. She wouldn't stop. He tried to calm her, tried to hold her and tell her it was alright, but she couldn't be calmed..."_

_"She ended up dead." He paused a few beats, looking at me with some expression I couldn't understand, not with this uncomfortable mental block he was creating. "Mykal felt lower than the low. If he thought he hated himself before, imagine how he felt after. He quickly left and made his way to Volturra." he looked to me for recognition, and got it. He smiled just a little. "But they refused to destroy a creature with such abilities as his. So he left and wandered aimlessly for years until he came to this part of Romania. He'd heard stories as did all about the magicks in this part of the world. He thought that if he, a vampyre, could be true, why not other stories?"_

_He found his way to Aita Mare, only it was called something different by the locals then. He found a gypsy willing to help him... for a price."_

_"And what was the price?" I asked, cutting in for the first time._

_"It simply cost him... his life." he answered bleakly._

_"I don't... I don't understand." I stammered, closing my eyes and placing my fingers to my nose like I'm told I do when aggravated. "You tell me that whole story, and then leave out _how_ he became human again!"_

_He leaned back in his chair, studying me. He crossed his arms again as he stared. "What is it _exactly_ that you want to know?"_

_I took a deep, cleansing breath. This was all just becoming a huge waste of time. "I want to know if it's possible... for a vampire to become a man again... and _how._"_

_"And why would you care?" he asked, his eyebrow raised like he already knew, but was forcing me to verbalize it._

_I raked my fingers through my hair, visibly annoyed. He didn't flinch though, just waited patiently for me to begin. So I sighed heavily and began telling him the whole sorry affair, not leaving out any details. How I had found the love of my life, asked her to marry me, then lost my memory with some _help_, then attacked the girl, got my memory back, and left to become the man she deserved. I told him that I had found this one entry in a book in Florence and came here on the only lead I had and if he could help me I would be eternally grateful._

_"Gypsy." He answered after a few moments after I had finished my tale._

_"What?"_

_"Gypsy. Or rather a kind of protector for the 'clan'. Mykal promised the old woman that in exchange for living out his life as a human, he would become sort of a protector of the group after his death."_

_"Protector from what?"_

_He seemed to let that mull around awhile. "There are some forces even the Volturi want destroyed." he said raising his eyebrow again. I let that word 'Volturi' sink in, nodding at him when it had. This 'Mykal' had agreed to watch over the gypsy clan that had 'saved' him in exchange for becoming their 'protector' after his human death... thereby delaying his intended reunion with his love when/if he died again and got to go where she was. It was some price, I admitted to myself. _

_"But then again," he smirked. "It's just a story."_

_Story my foot, I thought. "Where can I find this Mykal? Is he still around?"_

_"If you believe the legends, he is."_

_"And where can I find him."_

_Gregory shrugged. "Are you sure you want too? There is always a price, lad."_

_"Being a protector against the Volturi for as long as needed in exchange for becoming human so I can be with my Bella. I can pay that price."_

_He laughed. "You probably could. But the price wouldn't be the same for you, now would it?"_

_I leaned over the table, gazing intently at him. "Where.Is.Mykal?" but I knew the answer before the words had even escaped my mouth. He didn't even have to answer, and he didn't. I sat back, looking for the first time not at this man Gregory I had become accustomed to, but at the face of Mykal, the vampyre I had been hearing about. "Some story." I said sarcastically._

_"I think so." he grinned._

_"So what do I have to do?"_

_"That is the easy part. A little pain... well a lot of pain. Lots of trials. A spell or two. But the price... the price is the hard part."_

_"Again, I don't care about being a protector."_

_"Oh no. You misunderstand. The gypsies have a protector, but I am so tired of waiting and protecting against the Volturi's possible attacks. I want to move on. To be with _her."

_"I'm not following." I admitted._

_"I know. I can read minds too, remember." he laughed once. "You see, you don't have to become a protector. In fact, you pull this off there won't be a reason for one."_

_I didn't like how this was going. "Why?"_

_"Because, my dear friend. Your 'price' will be to take down the Volturi leaders and rule it yourself. You mandate that all vampyre's not consume human blood, all that do are destroyed. And no new vampyres can be made... if so, they will be destroyed. There will be no need for me anymore, and I can go home to my love."_

_I sat in astonishment for the briefest second, and then turned to him. It was a tall order, but I had to give Bella the man she deserved. "What do we do first?"_

_"I need your word, Edward Cullen."_

_"You have it. Once Bella is gone, I'll come back and take down the Volturi... and rule it with an iron fist."_

_He extended his hand to me. "Lets begin then." I nodded and took it. When my hand was firmly locked with his, I felt the most intense, worst pain I had ever felt in my life pulsing though me. He hadn't waited long to start._

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Florence, Italy Present Day

The plans were all made. Against what I wanted most, my family, except Rosalie, wouldn't allow me to go alone. At night fall, our plan would commence. I paced my room impatiently, waiting to get this over with. Waiting to get my revenge on Alec and Jane. Waiting to find some kind of loophole so I could see Bella again.

Waiting for the war to begin.


	11. Part 10: Mourning

A/N: I'm sorry this chapter has taken so long to get updated. Life took a hold of me LOL.. I'll try to do better. And it's REALLY short comparitively. I just kinda wanted to give a filler. Part 11 won't take me as long to put up. I promise.

Part 10: Mourning

Florence, Italy

I hadn't moved. Not a muscle, not anything since I had moved to the window overlooking Florence almost twenty-four hours before. My eyes had seen the sun rise; fly across the sky, then set again. My eyes had seen it, but my mind had not.

Mourning had finally found me.

My family had been great, noticing my shifting mood and leaving me alone like I needed. I overheard them saying something about going back to their rooms, but I wasn't really listening. I was too far gone for that.

I was thinking... thinking about what I was going to do whenever I reached the Volturi, what I was going to do to Alec and Jane, what would happen to me afterwards...

I was thankful, very much so, that my family could not read my thoughts as I could theirs. They would try to stop me if they could.

I wanted to die.

I realized that I had probably been in some sort of shock in the days that had followed my Bella's death. Not long ago the veil had begun thinning and the pain seeping through. By now, it was almost unbearable. Watching my family-together with their soul mates- and me alone again, it was harder than I had imagined. Only Emmett was without Rosalie and that was simply because of her anger. She would get over it... he still had her. Not truly alone like me. Yes, it was much more difficult than I could have ever dreamed being without her.

While I stood looking at the city, seeing nothing, I came up with a plan... my own plan which differed from Jasper's on only two key points. Point one; I wasn't going to beg the Volturi to kill me. I wouldn't give them the pleasure of that after what they did to me. I would make sure my family was safe and accounted for before I took care of point two-- I wasn't going to come out of the battle in one piece. I didn't want to.

Mixed in between my formulating plans, images of Bella flashed though my mind. She had been so beautiful. So full of life. She had been so good with Charleigh, even though I knew she never had any desire to be a mother. Charleigh and my grandson Anthony were reasons to exist, but I could never let them see me like this... they had no idea of me being a vampire and I would keep it that way. I had already left a good-bye note for her.

I was so caught up within myself that I didn't hear my hotel door open or someone ease up beside of me. It was only when he spoke that I realized I wasn't alone, at least not in my room.

"I would ask you if you were ok, but the answer is already written on your face." Carlisle sighed, standing vertical to me, his hands dug deep into his pockets. There weren't many times in his life where he didn't know what exactly to say. This was one of them.

"I'm fine." I lied.

"I'm not." his admission took me by surprise, not an easy task for a mind reader. Carlisle noted my confusion and started to clarify. I could hear his thoughts ahead of him, but out of courtesy I only answered his spoken words. "You see," he began, "I loved Bella too you know. I loved her like another daughter. I feel as though I've lost a child. Esme feels the same... only it's harder for her. It reminds her so much of losing the child she lost before. She is trying to hold it in, hold it together, as am I." He paused to clear his throat. "I'm afraid I'm not doing a very good job."

"You're doing fine." I replied, the slight bit of bitterness in my voice took me aback. Not wanting to do this now, I turned and walked away, afraid if I talked about my feelings, I would lost what little composure I had mustered to pull together from God knows where.

"I'm telling you this-" he called out from behind me. I could feel his eyes on my back, pleading for something. "- because we couldn't, can't, bear losing another child."

His words froze me. I stopped, turned my head slightly to him, but didn't let myself fully look at him. "Did Alice see something?" I asked innocently. Truth was, I hadn't been listening to their thoughts. They just sounded like a dull roar. I hadn't cared to single any one of them out.

I could feel the tension radiating off of him. "Yes." he said simply, his voice hard and afraid. I drew in a breath and closed my eyes. The near confirmation that maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't make it out of this "alive" calmed me rather than upset me. Death would provide me with one of two possibilities: One, I would be allowed to see Bella again, if what Bella and Carlisle believed was actually true... about me possibilty have a soul and being 'good'. Or Two, I'd be in Hell, away from any painful reminder of her. Maybe the human side would blissfully slip away, leaving only the demon. Hell was where demons belonged after all.

I turned to Carlisle and shrugged. "Alice has been wrong before."

He carefully walked to me, not touching me for some reason; like he was afraid I would take off, like I was that tightly wound. "I don't think she is this time. You are looking for it, aren't you Edward?"

I looked away from him, not able to stand looking into his pain filled eyes. His fatherly thoughts were saturating my mind, beginning to wane on my resolve and truthfully tear me apart. I looked for any reason to escape him. "We'd better go." I forced a brief, half-hearted grin and walked away again.

"Please just think of your mother. Before you do something you can't take back."

I paused and lowered my head. I didn't speak for countless seconds, giving myself time to compose myself and not breakdown. "What would you do, Carlisle? If it were Esme. What would you do?"

He gave me the courtesy of thinking on it carefully. "I would weigh _all_ of my options, Edward, before I did something hasty and rash."

"I already have." I shot back, leaving the room before he could say anything more.

A/N: There are 2 more chapters to this story. The next chapter is a build up (with a small twist) and the last chapter is a big ole fight. I hope you stick around to read them.


	12. Part 11: Volterra

A/N: I'm sorry it took so long to get this story updated. Between real life and other things (like figuring out how to end this story), I just didn't get it done. I would like to thank Tiburon (my wonderful wonderful beta!), Kari, Dora, Grace, and all of the other ladies who have pushed me to keep going with this story. I hope I haven't disappointed you. And finally Pocket Quasar who was my one and only reviewer on here last chapter. Thank you SO much!!

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I wish I did sometimes LOL

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Part 11: Volterra

Volterra wasn't far from Florence which was the point of stopping there in the first place. After my conversation with Carlisle in my hotel room, each member of my family decided they just had to stop me and keep me from 'suicide'. Everyone that is, except Jasper who kept his distance feeling sullen. His thoughts told me, even if he wouldn't, that he was afraid that his mood would carry over to me and it would pull me further into a depression--making it his fault when I 'died'. I guess I should have told him that none of it would be his fault, save him some guilt, but I was just selfish enough to be glad that he wasn't hounding me like the other. I kept quiet.

If my heart hadn't already been numb and shattered, Esme's visit would have made it that way. She didn't plead like her thoughts were screaming for her to do. She simply held my hands, hers trembling, and told me she loved me. In her mind, she was fighting with herself. She wanted so badly to mention the human child she had lost- how it had literally killed her, but she wouldn't let herself do it. She felt, in the end, no matter how much it would hurt her, it was my decision and mine alone. It was those thoughts themselves that caused her the most pain. She knew I could read them and she assumed they were hurting me. "Don't worry," I assured her as best I could, "I can't be hurt anymore, Esme." That caused a grief-stricken sigh to escape her lips. She placed her fingers on them to quiet herself. "Shhh..." I said softly, gently moving her fingers from her mouth and kissing her palms gingerly. "It will be ok." I leaned over to her and kissed her on the cheek, in my own way saying good-bye to the only mother I could remember. When I stood back up she followed and placed her palm against my cheek, her eyes intent on mine. "I. Love. You." She said each word with purpose, her eyes wide. I know it was impossible, but I could have sworn that I saw a glimmer of a tear in the corner of one of them. With care, I took her hand away and kissed it before I released her for the last time. "Same here." was all my weary voice would allow me to say.

I left her then, my already broken heart aching. Yes, I realized, this would have been much easier if my family had not come. By her staying behind, Rosalie was quickly becoming my favorite Cullen.

Alice and Emmett stopped me just before I left the hotel to 'talk some sense into me'. By that time, I had endured all of the talking I could stand. I cut them off quickly before they could speak, reminding them of my promise to the gypsy (and former vampire) Mykal. I had given my word to take down the Volturi in exchange for a human life with Bella. It wasn't something I took lightly. Alice made sure to remind me that I another part of the deal was for me to run things once they were overthrown so no dying. I countered that he never specified that I could not die in battle. Before she could say anymore, I surprised her with a kiss on the cheek. I told her that I would miss my cue if I didn't hurry.

As for Emmett, he was silently contemplating locking me in a padded room or holding me down until I saw reason. I smiled at him. I felt an unfamiliar twinkle in my eye. "You'd have to catch me first." I laughed despite myself and with a short nod, ran quickly as I could, much faster than anyone else in the family anyway. It would be the last time I ever saw them.

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I ran all the way to Volterra in less time than it would have taken a human to make a pot of coffee. Coffee had been one of the guilty pleasures, along with ice cream, bologna sandwiches, and sunbathing, I had been introduced to when I was human. In fact, I dare say I became addicted to the liquid ambrosia. I missed the sweet, bitter taste of coffee. I missed being warm, feeling soft with imperfect skin, the feeling of a beating heart. I missed Charleigh and Bella, my family. But it was the words of my other family that rang deeply within me.

I wanted to die- be away from this world that only reminded me of her. I wanted to end the pain and loneliness, but the Cullen's words began cutting into me like a dull dagger slowly turning into my chest.

I walked into Volterra at twilight. The beautiful city was beginning to glow with orange and red hues in the coming dusk. The locals, knowing better than to stay out with what went bump in the night, had already begun heading for home and locking their doors. There was a price to pay to live in the beauty of the city. If you weren't careful, it would cost you your life.

My life was what I wanted to pay.

The only people wandering around town in the late hour were me and a few random homeless men, or rather nighttime snacks for the hundreds of vampires who called Volterra home. The Volturi allowed it with the reasoning that no one would miss the homeless so no one would find out about the vampires' presence, officially anyway. Unofficially everyone knew.

As I walked through the streets with the sole purpose of finding the same way into the underground tunnels as I had years before, Jasper's barely readable thoughts began filtering through my head. I could tell that he was maybe 200 yards back, as was the 'plan'. The entire plan consisted of me storming the Volturi, demanding to be killed because I just couldn't go on without Bella. Jasper was to come in, talk me down and calming the room with his gift. Then the rest of the family would sweep in and defeat the royalty in a spectacular battle that would not be equaled, and I would dispose of Alec and Jane once and for all. It was all fine and dandy, perfect on paper, even Alice saw it working out. It was decent enough I figured, it just lacked finality. And even though Alice tried, she couldn't see what happened to me after the battle which was fine by me, but infuriated her.

And then-- it didn't matter any more. The plan was shot to Hell.

There right in front of me on the old street surrounded with 3 story old-world buildings stood the twins, Alec and Jane, grinning at me like playful youths. They were no more than 30 feet away from me. I hadn't heard them coming in, not in my mind or my hearing, but they were there. My dead heart almost leaped for joy at the sight of the two monsters I had come all this way to kill. They wore black cloaks around their tiny shoulders. Their heads bare. Jane's skin-tight black jeans held the tiniest bit of sparkle that twinkled in the fading light. Alec was dressed in solid black head to toe. Their faces were ashen and their eyes, their eyes that sparkled with childlike anticipation, were deep scarlet. "We knew you'd come." Jane said.

Before I could react, Jasper appeared beside of me, his body contorted into a defensive crouch. I had forgotten briefly that he had been following me. "Jasper." I said calmly. My body stayed tight and steady. I was afraid if I moved even an inch he would attack them and that wouldn't do. "Jasper, it's ok. This is my fight."

"Like Hell it is." he snarled, never taking his dead-set eyes away from the duo. "You are not dying this way."

"Your confidence in your brother is astounding. Truly." Jane mocked, crossing her arms at us with a sort of dark humor.

"Shut up, you worthless, self important, pain in the--"

"Jasper." I stopped him again, and again, I felt too calm. It wasn't because of Jasper because he was full of anger and fear. Anger for the twins and for me as well, for wanting to die this way and fear that I actually would allow them to kill me. "Jasper, listen to me." my voice sounded to me like a negotiator trying to talk down a bomber with his finger on the button. "It will be ok. Just give me 10 minutes alone with them." I heard Jane snicker, but ignored her.

"No.--" Jasper said almost as quickly as I had spoken.

"Keep Alice and the others away." I went on as though he hadn't spoken. "I'm sure she's seen this by now and has the Calvary coming. Please. Keep them away for 10 minutes so I can finish this." Jasper shook his head the entire time I was speaking. "No, Edward. This is crazy. It's stupid. It's--" He stopped himself before he could finish... so Jane finished it for him. "Suicide." He growled at her loudly and her entire response was to simply wink at him.

I walked the 2 strides it took to get him and placed my hand tentatively on his arm and spoke softly. "Someone has to take down the Volturi. You have all reminded me about my 'promise' so help me keep it. You do that while I worry about these two."

"So you can get yourself killed." For the first time, his eyes left our enemies and bore through me. He was shaking and he looked at me like I was an enemy as well. His look took me aback, but I knew where it was coming from, a place of loss and fear. "Jasper, listen, listen to me. It will be ok."

Jasper raised from he crouch and swiftly grabbed me by both of my shoulders, shaking me hard. "No, _you _listen. You are not doing this. It will kill Alice and she'll never forgive me for letting--"

"You don't know what they did to me!" I shouted, startling him. I hadn't meant to say it, but the words, they just bubbled out before I could stop them. I knocked both of his hands away and stepped up to him. "You have no idea what they did. You don't know what I've been through, what I've have to live with." My voice became barely audible, even to a vampire's ears. "Please. 10 minutes alone."

Jasper didn't move. Didn't react. I could read his thoughts and they were mostly on Alice leaving him if I died. "Please." I begged again. I needed at least one Cullen on my side. "I don't have a lot of time before they get here."

He bit his lip hard and squeezed his eyes shut clearly tormented. "Five minutes." he finally said tightly.

"Five minutes." I agreed; a sense of relief filled me. Five minutes was more than enough time.

"Don't do anything stupid, Edward." he warned, then turned and ran off to head off the rest of the family.

I was left there alone with the twins just like I had wanted for so many years. "Well," Jane faked a yawn. "That was exciting." she rolled her twinkling eyes.

"Shut up, Jane!" I snapped, surprising even me. I guess everything-- the torture, the brainwashing, the unimaginable guilt afterwards-- it all had to come out sometime. Jane didn't even flinch. "Well, well Edward. When did you get a backbone?"

I didn't answer.

"Oh, well, I guess it was when you tried to take Bella in the cabin. You remember that don't you? You wanted her. Didn't matter how you got her. Yeah, I bet that made you grow one." even though Jane looked like a child, she didn't act like one most of the time, and when she did it was with sadistic playfulness of a child with no remorse.

With that, the gates broke.

In less than the blink of an eye, I was literally centimeters from her, looking down at her poor excuse of a face. With even more self-control that I knew I had, I made myself stop before I touched her. I had to have answers or all of this would be for nothing. My fingers curled into a tight fist, and I could feel blood, cold and dead, beginning to run from the crescents my nails were carving. Somewhere in the distance I could hear a radio playing, but I couldn't place the song.

I tilted my head ever so slightly at her- not able to withhold my trembling. "Tell me why you did it." my words were low and I could hear the hurt in them. I'm sure to Jane, though, it sounded like the tone of a murderer.

"Does it matter?" she spat back, backing away from me. The curve of her lips had only begun to widen when I lunged at her. I had her, my fingers tightly wrapped around her demon-child neck. I got in one good squeeze. One blissful pain ceasing squeeze before Alec blindsided me and knocked me into an old storefront building 50 yards away. The force of the impact caused the front of the building to cave. But no one came out of their safely locked and boarded houses.

No one was that stupid.

Before I could get my bearings back, I saw Alec fall back to the ground, a dark figure flailing at him. It took only seconds to realize that it was Jasper. Alec was no match for the skilled fighter, not one on one. Jasper paused briefly to look at me. He shrugged and he thought: _Yeah I lied. Sue me._ Then he looked past me and down the long narrow street. _Go get Jane! I'll take care of Alec._

I nodded to my brother and ran after her. The street became more and more narrow, the distant radio still blared. I was at an impasse, a fork in the road as it were. Jane could have gone one of 2 ways and I had no idea which one. She was good at hiding her thoughts. Almost as good as Carlisle. And then the pain hit. A pipe of something hard to my back, causing me to fall to my knees... and then I felt her getting inside my head to cause me pain. Jane was good at that. It was her gift. My hands rose to my temples, and I heard a scream escape my lips. From the corner of my eye, I saw Jane, small and impish bouncing from behind me, circling me with the same amused snarl she had had before. "So, you want to know why?" she asked as she forced more pain on me. "Isn't that kind of cliché?" When I didn't answer, she bent down, grabbed a fist full of my hair and yanked my head back to look at her. "Would it make you _feel_ better, Edward Cullen, to know?"

"Maybe." I replied before another thought of pain flooded my head. I screamed again which caused her enjoyment.

"Maybe." She repeated sourly and nodded. "I am nothing if not compassionate." She smiled as her fist met my face, causing me to fall back to the ground. Once I was on my back, she straddled me, sticking her long, pointed fingernail to my neck trying to hurt me more.. hurt me for her own amusement. If only she knew that it was pointless. I just laid there, listening, waiting for my answers. "Why do you think we did it? Do you think it was just part of some grand plan? Some scheme to get you into the Volturi?" She made her way over to my ear and whispered. "Alec and I were bored. We thought we'd pay a visit to our old 'friend' Edward; see what he was up... play with him for a while. See what we could make him do." she leaned up and whispered in the other ear. "Let him know that, in the end, he's no better than the rest of us. Just a killer. Just a thing that takes what he wants, consequences be damned. In the end, you are just like us."

"Not quite." I said back. I could feel her forcing pain through my thoughts, but like the other times she had tried today, it wasn't working. You can't mentally hurt a man who could feel no pain, who was numb and lost it all. Jane had no idea that the man she was 'torturing' was just playing opossum. She had no idea how good of an actor I really was.

With the ease of a man throwing a feather, I lifted her off of me and threw her across the street. She contorted her body like a cat and landed in a crouch in front of the old abandoned apartment building. At least I thought it was abandoned for I could hear no voices coming from it. For a moment, while she gazed at me with wide eyes, the only sound in the city was that damned radio and the sickening sound of bones being crunched a few streets over. "You were faking." she said, it wasn't a question.

I didn't answer; I just ran full force into her. My fists collided with her face, her jaw, her cheek, anywhere I could find. She was defenseless to stop me, and I blocked out her screams of pain. I didn't care about them. I was finally feeling a sense of freedom, with every punch the pain lessened, and I found myself feeling again. The numbness was fading because I was making her pay.

But once the numbness began to fade, Jane had a hold on me again. Desperate for any kind of attack, she through punches at me with her mind, and it made me reel back. She had just enough leeway to squirm out from under me and try to run away, but I was too fast for her. Before she made it two steps, I rammed into her with the force of everything I had. It sent us both flying into the building beside of us, causing it to ripple around us in rubble. I was covered with cement, rock, whatever else was in the building, and there was the distinct scent of smoke and fire. The building falling and caused some kind of electrical shortage and a fire was beginning to burn. I tried to get out, but my arms were pinned in unnatural positions, clearly broken. My legs were under lots of heavy rubble. Even with my great vampire strength, I couldn't move.

I heard Jane's thoughts, and then I heard her scream. The fire had begun filling the debris, flowing through the wood frames and old furniture like a roaring river... and the fire was coming after her. Fire, it seems, can kill a vampire even if they aren't mangled and dismembered before hand. Jane knew it was well as I did. I heard her screams, her thoughts, as the fire engulfed her. And as much as I hate to admit it, I enjoyed ever single scream, every single gurgle, profanity, and dying sound that erupted from that hag.

And then it was quiet.

Jane was dead, gone, and I was content. I did, however, try to fight my makeshift grave. I tried to push the building off of me, but with the angle of my arms, the way I was laying, it was useless. I hoped that Esme would realize that I had tried.. when it mattered, I tried to live for her. Finally, I gave up, realizing that it was vain to fight any more. I made my peace right then and there. For the first time in a while, I felt peaceful. I didn't try to escape any more even though I knew the fire was coming. We were in a dead part of town, no one cared about a fire here... no one would come to put it out. I was free to die, to burn, to leave this earth, just as I had wanted.

There was a small hole in the rubble above me where I could see the sky. It was beautiful. Every star in the heavens appeared to be out, and the only sound I allowed myself to hear was from that radio, which now that I was still and could concentrate, I realized that it was playing Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah". It had been one of my favorite songs when I was human. The melody was so soothing, so calming. Like a lullaby that would send a child to sleep and I guessed it was what was happening to me. I closed my eyes, allowing the fire to take me, allowing the words and the melody of the radio to sweep me away into my forever sleep...

_I did my best, it wasn't much  
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch  
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you  
And even though  
It all went wrong  
I'll stand before the Lord of Song  
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah_

I opened my eyes one last time, to see the stars, to look up into Heaven and say good-bye to Bella. The song still calming me.

_Hallelujah, Hallelujah  
Hallelujah, Hallelujah_

Then, when I could feel the fire nipping at my toes, I saw her. She was standing in my eye-line, the wind and smoke blowing out her long brown hair. She looked like a ghost or maybe like and angel. I couldn't see her clearly, but I knew. I looked at her and smiled as the fire reached my feet. But I couldn't feel it. I was happy, and I was home. "Bella." I whispered with a smile as the fire overtook me. The last sound I heard was the radio as I gazed upon my love's face.

_Hallelujah, Hallelujah_


	13. Part 12: Epilogue

A/N: A big thank you to all of you who have read and kept up with this story. It really means a lot to me. Special thanks to Tiburon (my beta). Kari, I hope you like the ending!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. Stephenie Meyer does.

Part 12: Epilogue

"He's gone." disbelief filled Esme's voice. She stood in the middle of the Volterra street in the black of night with only a few remaining burning embers lighting darkness. Jasper was to her right. The rest of the family had left to finish the fight with the Volturi. Jasper had wanted to go, but Carlisle insisted he stay and comfort Esme. Jasper didn't like it, but he obliged, requesting that Carlisle summon him if he was needed.

Smoke from the fallen, burned building bellowed out like the coming of fog. "I tried to get to him in time." Jasper told her. "I was just finishing dismembering Alec when I heard the building fall. When I got here, I dug for him, but all I found were ashes."

"And Jane?"

"No sign of her either. The fire probably got her as well, but I'll be on the look out for her, just to be safe."

Without realizing it, Esme hugged herself tighter. Despite Jasper's attempts, he couldn't ease her pain. "I think he fought it." he said calmly. His hands were protectively shoved in his pockets, not knowing really what to do with them. As with humans, vampires didn't really know what to say in these kinds of situations either. "I don't think he let the fire take him without a fight. No matter how much he might have wanted--" He cut himself off, but Esme didn't look at him. Instead, she reached in the pocket of her long black duster and took out a folded up piece of paper.

"I think he did too." she held it tightly in her hand. "You go and help the others. I'll be fine."

Jasper raised an eyebrow to her. "Are you sure? Carlisle said--"

She smiled and gave him a big motherly hug. "I'm fine. Go help. You know you want to."

A big grin was on his face when she released the hug and could see him again. "Go." She persisted. He didn't see the need to argue with her and did as she asked.

Once he was out of sight, she looked down at the paper in her clinched hand. She thought back to when she had received it. At the hotel before Edward left, he had slipped it into her hand without saying a word before he left looking for the twins. She had read it then and hoped that it would give her comfort again.

Carefully, she unfolded it and began reading the letter again. It began simply.

_Esme,_

_I want to start off by saying that I have no idea how the night will end, but I will promise you one thing. No matter what I think. No matter what thoughts I have or what I may want. I will not go down without a fight. I will fight to live, for you, for the family. But if I don't make it, please don't mourn for me. I've made my peace and I know I'll be with Bella. I'll let fate take over and decide how tonight ends. If I don't make it, please know that I love you and the rest of the family very much. You have been a wonderful mother to me and know that I love you. It has been an honor to be your son._

_Also, please express to Carlisle my deepest gratitude for saving me all of those years ago. I found you, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, and Bella all because of him. Please thank him for me._

_As for Alice, don't let her feel bad for not knowing how this ended, however it ends. The future isn't written in stone._

_Please, look after Charleigh. It will probably be toughest for her. She has lost her father and mother in the same week. She has a wonderful husband and little Anthony, but I know she will miss Bella, as do I. Look after her, please. Take care of her. _

_I will try my best to make it back to you, but if I don't, it's ok. I'm happy again. _

_With the deepest love I can give,_

_Your Son, Edward_

Esme couldn't stop a smile from crossing her lips. It was truly one of the best and worst feelings she could have ever imagined. Losing another child, but reading his last words, his own eulogy, and seeing how much she meant to him.

She quietly folded the paper back up and placed it back in her pocket. "Good-bye Edward." she spoke in the direction of the destroyed building. "I love you too, son."

Esme turned and walked away in the same direction Jasper had gone. She began increasing her pace as she got closer to the underground battle. She couldn't stop herself from smiling. Her heart felt warm for the first time in a century and it was all because of a son's love.

She entered the tunnels ready for battle. Ready to fulfill the promise Edward had made.

The End


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